My 15th year sales

When I decided to become a full-time writer two years ago, I'd hoped that the huge boost in writing time (from 1 1/2 hours a day to 4 hours a day) would pay off just as hugely in my royalties. Unfortunately, that didn't happen last year, when my royalties were up only 6% over the previous year.

Well, I'm happy to report that this year I finally saw the boost I've been waiting for. My royalties were up a whopping 35% while my productions were up the same percentage--from 451 to 608. I'm now making about 60% of my annual income from writing, and if I can somehow replicate that growth in each of the next two years, I'll be able to live solely on my royalties (and maybe take that trip to Europe!). 

Part of that boost came from having more plays published, of course. Last year at this time, I had 31 plays in print. Now I've got 35.

But more importantly, most of my older plays showed very little dropoff in the number of productions they received. Some even saw a small bump. And it was the best year ever for The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Lights! Camera! Murder!, both of which have been out for seven years

This year, my plays have also appeared in four new countries, making for a total of 28 countries.

Now that we've dealt with that, let's jump into...

The top five

1) The Enchanted Bookshop--122 productions

Normally a play will peak in its first full year of publication, with its popularity waning in the subsequent years until it flattens out at a level about a half to a quarter of that.

Well, there's been very little waning for this incredibly popular play. After a record-setting 156 productions in the 2018-2019 season, The Enchanted Bookshop has snagged at least 100 productions each year since then (except for the two COVID years, of course). And the 122 productions it got this year is the second-best showing it's ever had. 

But that's not all. This year, The Enchanted Bookshop got me my 25th country when it was performed at a secondary school in Cyprus. And did I mention that it remains Pioneer's top-selling full-length play?

2) Bringing Down the House--68 productions

This extra-large comedy continues to surprise me. Last year, it managed to debut at number three on this list, garnering an impressive 36 productions in its first nine months of publication.

This year, it managed to snatch the number two spot. The 68 productions it got is more than any of my plays not titled The Enchanted Bookshop have ever gotten. And that's good enough to make Bringing Down the House Pioneer's fifth best-selling full-length play.

Reports from schools and theater companies confirm that it really does bring down the house wherever it plays. And one of those places was Maui OnStage in beautiful Wailuku, Hawaii, where it became my first staged production in the Aloha State (my only other Hawaiian credit was a COVID-era production of my virtual comedy You're Virtually Driving Me Crazy!). Aloha, indeed!

3) Freaky Tiki--62 productions

They say music is the universal language, but this play convinces me that farce is just as universal. In its first full year of production, this Hawaii-set comedy was performed in Japan (my 26th country), Portugal (my 27th country), Indonesia, and Canada.

I never expected this one to do so well, but maybe I should have. After all, it's another over-the-top comedy in the spirit of Million Dollar Meatballs and It's a Madhouse!, two plays which have done extremely well for me over the years.

But this one goes even more over the top than those, featuring an opera singer forced to communicate by clown horn, a tiki figure that magically disappears and reappears, and a chase scene involving a hot-headed French chef and a human-sized lobster. You might even learn a little Hawaiian from it.

4) The Worst Fairy Tale Ever--48 productions

Last year, I had a hunch that this one-act comedy--my first in ten years--was going to be big. Just a few weeks after it was published, more than one drama teacher (okay, two) wrote to tell me how excited their kids were to produce it.

Well, that excitement continued throughout the year, allowing The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to debut at number four on this list.

Of course, it helps that this is by far my easiest play to produce. It has a cast of just eight, no set except for a single stage cube, and no costumes other than an assortment of hats, making it perfect for cash-strapped schools and theaters.

It was inspired by the madcap comedies of London-based Mischief Theatre, including the megahits The Play That Goes Wrong and Peter Pan Goes Wrong. I even wanted to call it The Fairy Tale That Goes Wrong, but that idea was quickly squashed by my lawsuit-adverse publisher. Now, with the success of this play, I'm thing about launching my own series of everything-that-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong comedies. The Worst Murder Mystery Ever anyone?

5) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Too Many Ghosts--33 productions

For the first time ever, I have a tie in my top five list, this time between the musical version of The Enchanted Bookshop and my haunted house comedy.

I don't know why the musical popped up this year, but I'll take it. Especially since the show got me my 28th country with a youth theatre production in Trinidad and Tobago.

As for Too Many Ghosts, I couldn't be more thrilled. I love this play. Like really, really love it.

One reason is that it's my most cinematic play. Not only is it highly visual (some of the photos I've seen of the ghost effects have blown me away), but the script is plotted like a big-budget movie. If I hadn't failed so miserably trying to break into Hollywood several years ago, I'd be tempted to adapt it into a screenplay.

The other reason is that it includes a subplot unlike anything else I've written. I don't want to give it away here--you really owe it to yourself to read the script--but it's quite sad, and I hope that the play draws a few tears as well as laughs.

Feeling grateful

So, yeah, it's been a fantastic year, and I owe it all to you, the drama teachers and theatre directors who've produced my plays over the last twelve months. I can't thank you enough. But I'm definitely going to try. And what better way than with a great big colorful...

Upstate NY school goes mad for Madhouse!

One of the best parts of being a playwright is meeting with students who've performed one of my plays (it's certainly more fun than the actual writing!). Which is why I'm on a natural high right now. I just got off Zoom with the talented theater students at Chazy Central Rural School in upstate New York and, man, did I have fun!

This was actually the second time I've spoken with students from this school. Last June, the school's drama teacher Kathryn Brown reached out to me because her students were in rehearsal with my one-act comedy The Worst Fairy Tale Ever and she thought it would be a great experience for them to chat with me (as it turns out, that production was the first one of the final published script).

The kids had a ton of great questions, and their crazy energy and excitement really made my day.

So I was thrilled when I heard from Ms. Brown last month that they were performing my full-length farce Madhouse! and wondered if I'd be willing to speak with the students again.

My answer? I resounding yes!

This time we had the call after their production instead of before, and it was interesting to see how that simple shift changed the questions entirely. Instead of asking how they should perform their characters (I'm always leery of giving directing advice, but Ms. Brown said it was okay), this time the students were more interested in learning how I came up with the different characters and why did they make the choices they did in the story.

Of course, their energy and excitement were just as crazy as before.

Which is why I'd like to remind all of the drama teachers and directors out there that I remain available for half-hour Zoom calls. If I get bombarded with requests, I may have to start charging for them, but for now they're completely free for any school, homeschool group, or community theater that's performing one of my plays. Simply email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com to start the conversation.

Belmont Diary: A comedy for the birds

Most of my plays are a grind to write. Some go a little easier. And then there are those rare birds that just flow out of me from day one.

My newest play, A Fine-Feathered Murder, falls firmly in that last camp.

When Belmont Day School commissioned me to write it, they wanted a play with eight characters that were over the top but had interesting arcs. Not exactly the easiest of requirements. But a challenge I eagerly accepted.

It was a different challenge that worried me. The tone.

Mystery-comedies are mysteries first, comedies second, and before you write one word of dialogue or invent a single character, you've got to answer one very important question: what's the crime at the heart of the story?

Of course, murder is the go-to for the vast majority of mysteries, whether on page, stage, or screen, and that's because it carries the stakes that a good story needs.

But you've got to be careful. Make it too silly, and the story will lack tension. Make it too serious, and the comedy will suffer.

With The Butler Did It!, I managed to balance the crime and the comedy pretty well. The play has received rave reviews around the country and continues to get a healthy number of productions today, twelve years after it was first published.

But I think I veered too grim with Lights! Camera! Murder!, which would explain why Pioneer chose not to publish it and why it has struggled to find productions with Brooklyn Publishers.

So with this new play, I decided to err on the light side. I asked myself: What if it didn't involve the murder of a person but a parrot? And what if it wasn't just any parrot but one that could sing the entire score of Verdi's opera Rigoletto from start to finish?

Boom. The tap opened wide, and the eight very British characters who would people the play almost immediately popped into my head:

Lilith, the snobby owner of the parrot, who can't understand why only two invitees have come to the music recital she's organized.

Reginald, her long-suffering husband who thinks the whole idea of a recital for a parrot is silly.

Daphne, their Elvis-loving, opera-hating teenage daughter.

Fiona, the cheeky maid who's quick with a riposte while feeding the parrot plain old crackers on the sly.

Ashton, the pompous opera impresario who's convinced she'll become rich if only she can persuade Lilith to take the parrot on tour.

Dr. Snively, a creepy ornithologist who longs to get his hands on the bird for more "scientific" purposes.

Mrs. Willoughby, the elderly neighbor who never quite knows where she is.

Teddy, the bumbling village constable who's thrilled to finally have a murder case to investigate.

As I said, the writing went really well--it was almost fun!--and I finished it in about four weeks.

The school will only be using the script for in-class instruction, so once they provide their feedback on the script, I'll give it one more pass, then submit it for publication,

In the meantime, the world premiere is up for grabs. If you think you'd like to produce the play, email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com and I'll send you a free perusal copy of the script. As with my other one-act commission, The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, I believe this play is perfect for competition, a student-directed production, and an evening of one-acts. 

And no, I did not recycle any of these brilliantly funny gags from that dead parrot sketch.

But I was tempted to.

Belmont Diary: It's a mystery to me

I love writing on commission. It gives me a deadline. The collaborative atmosphere helps me focus my writing. The money's nice. And it guarantees that the play will meet an unfulfilled need in the market.

In fact, my first two commissions, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, were snapped up for publication by Pioneer Drama Service and have turned out to be way more successful than even I had imagined (I'm still waiting on the results from newly-published commission #3).

So yeah, commissions are the bomb. But there's something even better than a commission. And that's two commissions.

Today, I was deep into the third pass of another commission for Belmont Day School (#4 for those keeping score at home) when the theater arts teacher there offered me a fifth commission. I immediately said yes.

I mean, it should be a quick write. Like The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, which they commissioned from me last summer, it'll be a one-act comedy with minimal set and costume requirements and a cast of eight. The difference? This time it'll be a mystery.

Mysteries are a blast to write. Three of my first four plays were mysteries (The _urloined Letter, The Butler Did It!, and Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye). Then I stopped for several years while I played around with other genres. But I always missed the form and I finally came back to it four years ago for It's a Madhouse! Now I'm eager to jump back into those deep, murky waters.

I don't have any story ideas. I'm going to have to do some brainstorming for that. But the school made it very clear they don't want the play to have the same meta, bumbling-cast concept as The Worst Fairy Tale Ever (or The Play That Goes Wrong, which inspired it).

Which is fine with me. I'm excited to do something totally fresh.

Oh, one more thing. Like The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, this play is being commissioned for in-class use only. This means that Belmont Day School will not be producing the play. And this means that the world premiere is up for grabs. Whoever agrees to produce it first gets it.

Interested? Then email me at the address shown on my Contact Me page and you'll be among the first to receive the script when it's complete. The mystery play is due September 1. The airport play is due October 1.

Two plays in three months? I guess I know what I'll be doing this summer!

My 14th year sales

Another theater season has come and gone, and I'm happy to say that this one truly was a banner one. But--and it's a big but--it had to be. Since I'm now a full-time playwright, and my playwriting income is only about a third of my old engineering income, I need to keep growing my royalties by a healthy percentage each year if I want to make a go of this.

The best way to do that, of course, is to get more productions. And the best way to do that is to write more plays. Which is why I've been working like crazy, cranking out plays quickly while maintaining the quality people have come to expect.

But not just any plays. It's also important to keep the market in mind and write what schools and community theaters are looking for. And a couple of results from the past year have me rethinking this whole thing.

More on that later. In the meantime, let's take a quick look at...

The numbers

A year ago, I saw a massive bump from the previous year. My production count was up 16% and my royalties were up--get ready for it--44%. Maybe I was a little delusional, but I was hoping for something similar this year. Unfortunately, I fell short. I had a total of 451 productions, which is up 8% over the previous year while my royalties were up only 6%.

It's not that my new plays didn't do well. They did. It's just that some of my big hits from the previous year dropped off a little more than expected.

Still, I'm not worried. I've seen quite a few of my plays pop up again in a year or two so I'm hopeful that will happen again over the next twelve months.

And besides, that 451 is an all-time record for me so I really can't complain.

The top five

1) The Enchanted Bookshop--118 productions

My most-popular play for the eighth year in a row was this magical comedy. That 118 is actually an amazing number because it represents the second highest production count this play has ever had.

The Enchanted Bookshop is truly the Energizer Bunny of plays. It just keeps going and going and going.

It's the only one of my plays that theaters repeat, sometimes as often as once a year. It's also the only one of my plays (besides The Enchanted Bookshop Musical) that regularly appears in professional theater seasons alongside such big-name works as Clue, Matilda, and Into the Woods.

2) It Happened on Route 66--48 productions

For the second year in the row, my second-most-popular play was this 1950's romantic comedy. And I couldn't be happier.

I love this play. I love the characters. I love the humor. I love the cool diner setting. And I'm grateful that so many people around the country seem to love the play as well.

I can't wait to see how well the brand new musical adaptation Route 66 does this year.

3) Bringing Down the House--36 productions

My third-most-popular play was this backstage comedy. What's especially impressive is that this was only a partial year for the play. It wasn't even released until August.

I've got be honest. This one surprised me. I never dreamed it would be this popular. I wrote it simply because a school commissioned me to write it. They wanted a play about a musical rehearsal that keeps getting interrupted so none of the characters actually get to sing. As a result, the play calls for a lot of different musical tracks which are only played for a few bars.

The play is pretty quirky in other ways as well. There's a swordfight between a group of confused protesters using the handles of their protest signs against a band of sledgehammer-armed demolition workers, There's another swordfight involving actual swords. And then there's a dance involving aliens, pirates, and several crates of dynamite.  

The reason I think it's so popular is just the sheer size of the play. It calls for a cast of 40, similar to my play It's a Madhouse!, which has also been wildly popular. So it's clear that a lot of schools are interested in plays that give a large number of students an opportunity to perform.

And this one definitely does. Unlike some plays that achieve their large cast sizes by plugging in a nameless chorus, my plays always give each character a name, a unique personality, a specific goal, and at least a couple of lines guaranteed to get a laugh. 

So one of the changes I'm planning to make in my career is to focus a lot more on huge-cast plays like this--even if they're not commissioned.

4) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical--27 productions

My fourth-most-popular play was this musical adaptation of The Enchanted Bookshop. This was another surprise because those 27 productions are the most it's received since its inaugural (and COVID-shortened) season of 2019-2020 and a big boost from last year's 15 productions. I don't know what happened to bring it back to life, but I like it.

5) You're Driving Me Crazy!--25 productions

My fifth-most-popular play was this collection of four driver's ed-related shorts. Ten years in, it's still getting a healthy number of productions.

Earlier this month, Pioneer released The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, my first one-act play since You're Driving Me Crazy! and I'm already hearing from teachers who tell me how excited their students are to perform it. So I think that's going to be a big play this year. And I'm going to watch it closely because I may start writing a lot more short plays.

Honorable mentions

I do want to give a shout-out to three plays that just missed being in the top five: Million Dollar Meatballs (also in its tenth year) and It's a Madhouse!, both of which snagged 24 productions, and How to Enchant a Bookshop, which was right behind them with 23 productions.

It's a Madhouse!, of course, has a one-act version titled simply Madhouse!, and if you combined the two of them, they would account for an impressive 47 productions. So even though the first of those two plays dropped off my top five this year, the pair remains a production powerhouse.

Finally, this was the first full year for How to Enchant a Bookshop and I find that particularly interesting because when I first submitted the play, there was some concern that it might cannibalize sales from the other Enchanted Bookshop plays. Seeing that two of them are still in my top five, it's heartening to know this didn't happen.

Final thoughts

So yeah, it was a good year. Sure, I wish some of my plays had done a little better and that my royalties had grown a little more. But still, it was a record-breaking year in many ways and I couldn't have done it without you, the drama teachers and theater directors who've chosen my plays over the years.

So let me just leave you with a large and very heartfelt...

The Worst Fairy Tale Ever is now available!

I am beyond excited to announce that Pioneer Drama Service has just released my 29th play with them and my 33rd play overall. Titled The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, it's a fast-paced comedy with a cast of 8 and a run time of just 20 to 25 minutes.

The play had an interesting development process. It was first commissioned by  Belmont Day School in Massachusetts for use in their 6th grade theater arts class. 

After working out the bugs with them, I promoted it on the High School Theatre Directors and Teachers group on Facebook. South Florence High School in South Florence, South Carolina, snapped it up and they gave the play its world premiere in a student-directed production in November.

Shenandoah High School in Shenandoah, Iowa also responded to my post, and they took the play to their district speech contest in January and the state-level contest in March.

So the play appeals to many different age groups, from elementary school all the way up to high school. It would also work well as a TYA production performed by adults.

What makes it so adaptable? Well, I think it's because the play is a piece of cake to produce, with no set requirements beyond a single stage cube and no costume requirements beyond a few hats. And while the story is simple, the vocabulary is just challenging enough to offer some real meat for young and not-so-young actors alike. 

The story itself works on three levels. At first glance, it appears to be a straightforward fairy tale about a king who offers half his kingdom to whoever can defeat the dragon ravaging the land. But the actors performing the play-within-a-play pretty much botch it.

The actor playing the knight tapes his lines to the back of his shield. Another actor insists on stealing the show with a ridiculously drawn-out death scene. The actor playing the dragon is too shy to even step onto the stage. And the narrator gets so fed up with the cast's antics that she quits the show entirely.

Think of it as the Brothers Grimm meets The Play That Goes Wrong.

Only as the play progresses does it become clear that the story goes deeper yet as one of the actors has an anxiety attack about his performance and the rest of the cast quickly improvise an ending to help him feel the love.

Want more? Then just head over to the play's web page, where you can read the synopsis, download a script sample, and order your own perusal script.

Enjoy!

The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to be published

Some Christmas presents come wrapped in pretty paper and bows. Some come in fancy gift bags. And some come in a simple 5x7 envelope.

Of course, they're all good, but this afternoon I was especially excited to see that familiar envelope in my mailbox because it came from Pioneer Drama Service and it contained the contract for my latest play, The Worst Fairy Tale Ever. That's right. They're going to publish it, making this one-act comedy my 28th play with Pioneer and my 32nd play overall.

Since the play was commissioned by Belmont Day School, I've already spoken at length about its development (namely, here and here and here) so I don't have anything more to say about the play at this time. Instead, I'll do something I haven't done before and share an excerpt from the play.

This scene occurs near the beginning of the play after the narrator--the only member of the cast who's read the script--informs the actors that they're just going to have to wing it.

NARRATOR: (Reads.) A long time ago in a land far, far away, there was a king named Roderick (Pause.) I said, there was a king named Roderick! (Pause. Calls OFF LEFT.) King Roderick! Yoo-hoo!

KING: (ENTERS LEFT out of breath, adjusting his crown.) Sorry. I forgot which part I was playing.

NARRATOR: You're King Roderick.

KING: Oh, right. Thanks for clearing that up.

NARRATOR: (Reads.) Now King Roderick was a very wise king—

KING: (Poses dramatically.) Two plus two is four!

NARRATOR: (Reads.) But he was also very sad.

KING: (Sobs.) Oh, why is two plus two always four? Why can't it ever be five?

NARRATOR: That's not why you're sad.

KING: It's not?

NARRATOR: No. It's because your page has brought you horrible news.

KING: Let me guess. The peasants are about to storm the castle?

NARRATOR: No.

KING: The queen is about to storm my man cave?

NARRATOR: No. Well, yes. But that's not as horrible as what the page has to say.

KING: It's horrible enough.

NARRATOR: All right. Well, if you must know, a giant, fire-breathing dragon has crossed the border into your kingdom and is attacking the peasants.

KING: I don't know. I still think the man cave thing is worse.

PAGE: (ENTERS LEFT.) Your Majesty! Your Majesty! I bring horrible news! A giant, fire-breathing dragon has crossed the border into your kingdom and—

KING: I know. The narrator just told me.

PAGE: (To NARRATOR.) Hey! That was my line!

NARRATOR: Sorry. He wormed it out of me.

I expect The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to be released this spring. In the meantime, if you'd like to see the synopsis and cast breakdown, just hop on over to the play's web page on the New Play Exchange (subscription required--and highly recommended!).

The Worst Fairy Tale Ever comes to life

When I talk to theater classes, the most common question I get is: Where do you get your ideas from? 

The second most common question is: What did you think of our performance?

And by far the least common question--because no one's ever asked it--is: What is your favorite part of your job?

I guess I've never been asked it because people assume the job of playwriting involves only one task: writing plays. And yes, that takes up the bulk of time. I write like clockwork, four hours a day, five days a week. And I love it.

But I also spend another two to four hours a day doing other playwriting-related things: writing emails, social media marketing, tracking productions, reviewing contracts. And all of that is fun too, even the contracts thing. It's definitely more fun than the 37 years of engineering I did.

Still, my absolute favorite thing to do is talking to those same theater classes. Their enthusiasm is always so incredibly infectious. It also allows me to make a connection--a real-live human connection--that's so often missing from what I do the rest of the time. But most importantly, it reminds of who I'm writing for: the kids.

Anyway, I got to talk with a great bunch of kids today as the Theatre Arts Honors class at South Florence High School in Florence, SC hosted a Zoom meeting so we could chat about The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, my new one-act play that they premiered November 8.

Their theater teacher Frankie Sullivan sent me a video of their performance last week, and I was able to watch it a couple of times before the call. The first time I simply let it run so that I could get a feel for how the actors portrayed their characters as well as which gags worked and which didn't. The second time I paused the video line by line so I could compare their dialogue with my script and see where they differed.

It was very enlightening--and surprising. There were 250 people in the audience, and they laughed a lot. The biggest laughs, however, didn't come from my script but from the students' ad libs or the stage business they came up with. As they say, theater is the most collaborative of art forms, and I love collaborating with talented young actors and directors.

Which is a nice way of saying I'm going to steal these ideas for my own script.

But hey, that's why we workshop plays, right?

One of those bits of business came in the middle of the play when the dragon had defeated the first knight it faced and went on to terrorize the peasants. In my original script, I segued directly from the narrator describing the defeat to the second "knight" arriving to take on the dragon.

I missed a big one. But the kids didn't. They added an entire scene in which the dragon chases the screaming king and peasants back and forth across the stage. That kind of stuff always get laughs and I think I missed it because I tend to think in dialogue  rather than action. I need to get better about that.

Anyway, that's definitely going into the script.

Then there was something the king screamed as, at the end of the chase, the dragon grabs him by the feet and drags him offstage. The hapless roya first screams, "No no nooooo!" as you'd expect. And then he screams something hilarious.

"STELLAAAA!"

It makes absolutely no sense, of course. How would a medieval king know about A Streetcar Named Desire? But it got one of the biggest laughs in the pla.

As it turns out, the actor playing the king had just played Stanley in the school's production of the Tennessee Williams drama, and Stella was still very much on his mind. Which is why I think it works here.

You see, the way I've written the play, the students aren't just playing the fairy tale characters. They're playing the high school actors who are playing the fairy tale characters. And Stella is very much something a high school actor might yell in a hastily thrown-together play like this one is supposed to be.

So yep, that's going in as well.

As for the language, that was a surprise too. I take pride in making my dialogue as true-to-life as possible. I keep the grammar simple. Use slang whenever possible. Throw in lots of uh's and um's. And yet, when the kids spoke their lines, they didn't deliver them as I had written them but somehow made them even simpler. More casual. More contemporary. Clearly, that's another thing I need to improve on.

In the call, I asked the students the two questions I always ask groups that produce my plays. Did you find any parts of the script boring? Answer: No. Did you find any parts of the script confusing? Answer: Just one, when the king tries to demonstrate his wisdom by declaring "Two and two are four" rather than "Two and two is four." That grammatical awkwardness was intentional, but I don't want anyone in the audience to be thrown by it so I changed that line. Easy peasy.

Beyond that, I gave the students some advice on how to break into playwriting, for those that wanted to pursue it. And I spoke about some of my other plays, which I thought they might be interested in.

Mr. Sullivan is going to send me photos from the performance soon, and you can bet I'll post the best ones here. In the meantime, I've got some more stealing to do.

Collaborating, I mean. Definitely collaborating.

Belmont Diary: The Worst Fairy Tale Ever gets a premiere

Not going to lie. I was a little nervous when I emailed my script for The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to Belmont Day School, the school in Massachusetts that commissioned it from me. I really love the play, but it isn't anything like my other plays and I wasn't sure if it's what they were looking for.

It's very self-aware, with the actors often commenting on the fairy tale they're supposed to be performing. Pretty much the entire play is like this. Every character, every line operates on two levels: that of the actors and that of the characters they're playing.

If this sounds confusing, that's because it is. Extremely confusing. And now you know why I was nervous.

I also wasn't sure about some of the gags, which are even quirkier than most of the stuff I write.

I shouldn't have worried. The school had their first readthrough a couple of weeks ago and the theater director raved about it. He said it was a real winner and was so funny when read in the various characters' voices.

Whew!

That's not all. I just got word from South Florence High School in Florence, SC that they've booked the world premiere for November 8 (as I explained in a previous post, Belmont Day School is only using it for in-class instruction). Yay!

How did I find them? Through a fantastic Facebook Group named High School Theatre Directors and Teachers. It's mainly a group for theater teachers to help each other solve productions issues on their shows (and only occasionally to gripe about those annoying helicopter parents).

The group frowns on commercial self-promotion, but on the first day of each month, they allow playwrights to promote their plays. And the most common way to promote them is to pitch the story (briefly, very briefly!) with an offer of a free perusal script to anyone who asks.

I posted my pitch of The Worst Fairy Tale Ever on August 1 and I got a respectable 90 requests for the script. Three weeks later, I was contacted by a senior at South Florence High School in Florence, SC, who wanted use the script for her student directing project. When I told her theater teacher that this meant they'd get world premiere credit in the script if and when it's published, he was thrilled. I was just as thrilled for them.

The school will be sending me a video recording of the production so that I can give the script a final polish based on the response from the audience. I'll then be submitting it to Pioneer Drama Service for their consideration.

But wait. There's more. Just today, the theater director at Shenandoah High School in Shenandoah, IA said she'll be taking the play to the Iowa Speech Contest this winter. I was hoping schools would see this easy-to-produce play (no set! no costumes! many laughs!) as a competition piece, so I consider this a big win.

If you're a theater teacher and you're not a member yet of this amazing Facebook group, I strongly urge you to check it out. And if you're a playwright looking for a powerful way to reach out to high schools, look no further. You've found it.

Oh, and if you'd like to receive your own free perusal copy of The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, just email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Thanks!

Belmont Diary: When fairy tales go bad

I finished my latest commission for Belmont Day School today. And it was a bear. A real bear. 

Not because it was long. As I mentioned before, it's only half an hour. And not because it required a huge cast. The school specified a cast of eight. 

No, what made it a bear is that it has to be a fairy tale.

Not that I have anything fairy tale plays. In fact, I've written two of them.

Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye came out in 2014 and that's been a perennial favorite of both schools and community theaters ever since.

Wicked Is As Wicked Does came out in 2017 and has not done nearly as well, but I still really love that play. I think it's got some great gags--especially if you like fairy tale-ish puns--and it teaches a great lesson about tolerance and giving people a second chance.

Still, after two of these kinds of plays, I felt kind of tapped out. So when Belmont Day School asked me to write yet another one I was stumped. What would it be about? 

An additional challenge was that, according to the contract, the play had to steer clear of all gender, ethnic, and racial stereotypes. So that eliminated any possibility of including a damsel in distress.

Now the obvious spin on this is to make the princess the hero: wielding a sword, fighting dragons, maybe even wooing the prince. But there are a ton of plays like that. In fact, Pioneer Drama Service publishes quite a few.

No, I wanted something original.

So I brainstormed ideas. Most were bad. Very, very bad. But a few were good. Or at least they were good enough to justify starting on the script.

How to Survive a Fairy Tale saw famous villains (the Three Little Pigs' wolf, Hansel and Gretel's witch) lecturing the audience on how to avoid ending up in a pot of boiling water. Or a burning oven. Or some other uncomfortably toasty place.

I liked the idea, but the same thing happened to me every time I've tried to write one of these episodic plays. I lost steam several pages in, with no idea where to take the story. I need a full-blown plot, characters with a compelling goal, and a classic three-act structure. Not skits.

Cinderella in Hollywood featured a couple of aspiring screenwriters pitching the story of Cinderella to two cynical producers, Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm. As the The famous characters from the story would then come to life to act out the story as it's being told.

This also seemed to have potential, allowing me to skewer both the silliness that is the story of Cinderella as well as Hollywood itself. Unfortunately, I couldn't get away from those stereotypes. They're baked into the original fairy tale.

How about switching the fairy tale they pitch to Snow White? Or Sleeping Beauty? Or Beauty and the Beast? Nope, nope, and nope. All those are rife with stereotypes too.

Finally, I hit upon the idea of making a fairy tale version of The Play That Goes Wrong. I haven't seen the play yet, but I've watched scenes online and I found them to be brilliant. Hilarious too, of course, but what really struck me about the play was how brilliantly the script exploited each mishap for maximum laughs.

So I threw together eight actors rehearsing a brand new fairy tale titled The Greatest Fairy Tale of All Time. Or at least they thought they were rehearsing it. Turns out they were expected to perform it. Like right then. For a full audience. Unfortunately, there was no set, the costumes hadn't arrived yet, and none of the actors had learned their parts.

No problem, the narrator says. I'll read from the script. The rest of you just follow my lead. Which would be fine if these were professional actors. But they're not. They're high school students, with all the quirks and quibbles of high school students everywhere.

The King questions everything. The Page wants a bigger part. The Dragon has stage fright. And the Princess improvises a big dramatic death scene so she can get into a good theater school.

Once I had the idea, the script came together in about three weeks, which is pretty fast even for a one-act play. And the format allowed me to go wild with it, playing with theater conventions and story structure in a way I'd never felt free enough to do before.

All that was left was a title. And I had the perfect one already thunk out: The Fairy Tale That Goes Wrong?

Stupid me. As it turns out, Mischief Theatre, the folks behind The Play That Goes Wrong, have already trademarked the title.

I thought maybe I could get away with changing one word, but I ran this idea past my publisher to be sure. She pointed out that not only do they have The Play That Goes Wrong but A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong, Peter Pan Goes Wrong, and something on BBC called The Goes Wrong Show. So clearly it's the "Goes Wrong" phrase that they want to protect.

What else? Well, I thought I might "play" on the title of the play-within-the-play by calling the whole thing The Worst Fairy Tale Ever. But that's too good, right? Too generic.

Nope. I was surprised to find that there has never been a play, a movie, a book, or even a fairy titled The Worst Fairy Tale ever. (Okay, there's one YouTube video, but that doesn't count.)

I'm taking it.

So I've got my script. I've got my title. What else do I need? Oh, yes. Someone to produce it. As I mentioned in that earlier post, Belmont Day School is only using the script for in-class instruction, so I'm free to offer the world premiere to someone else. All I have to do is find them. Guess it's time to hit the road (virtually speaking).

If you're a theater director and you're interested in receiving a free perusal copy of the script, just email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. I think you'll like it.

And if anyone wants my rejected story ideas, you can have them. I'm done writing fairy tale plays!

Belmont diary: Third time's a charm?

Just kidding with that blog title, of course. Because I feel like my first two at-bats with Belmont Day School went very well indeed.

Theater Director Christopher Parsons must feel that way too, because he just emailed me that the school has approved a third playwriting commission for me.

This one is different. Way different. Instead of a full-length for their seventh- and eight-graders, they're having me write a 20- to 25-minute one-act for their sixth graders. And while the first two plays required massive casts--like 38 to 40 actors--this one calls for a much more economical eight.

The set and plot requirements are particularly loose. The school had laid out very specific guidelines for what became It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, but for this one they're only asking that the set be minimal (no backdrops or complicated set pieces) and that the story be in the fairy tale or fantasy genre.

Ironically, though, that makes the writing tougher. The story requirements for the first two plays acted as writing prompts for me, and I only had to toss a few ideas around in my head (and at the dinner table) before I was able to break the story.

Not here. Fairy tales present an extremely large canvas. Do I write an original one or a parody? If it's a parody, do I base it on a well-known story, a more obscure one (hello, "Hans-My-Hedgehog"), or a mishmash of several of them? And which ones do I choose?

Another challenge is related to the reason Belmont Day School hired me in the first place. DEIB goals are a big deal for them, as they should be for everyone, and in the past, Chris had difficulty finding plays that met those goals.

So they're a big deal on this play as well. There can't be any gender, racial, or cultural stereotypes. But the classic fairy tales are built on stereotypes. You've got the brave prince. The helpless princess. The foolish peasant. And on and on.

Well, I've got to figure out a way to subvert all those. Or maybe not subvert them, because even playing with them can reinforce them in a way. No, what I have to do is bypass them entirely.  

Oh, there's one other difference with this commission that I should mention. The school won't be giving the play a full production. They'll only be using the script in class to practice their performance skills. This frees me up to submit the play to my publisher as soon as it's written (it should be completed by the end of August).

So that's good. But if I ever want the play to get a full production, I'll need to make it work for a broad spectrum of schools and theater companies, maybe even as a competition piece. 

Whew. This is going to be a toughie. But that's okay. I love a good toughie. 

If you'd like to hire me to write a play for your school or theater company, you can find all the deets on my Work With Me page.

I look forward to collaborating with you!