The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to be published

Some Christmas presents come wrapped in pretty paper and bows. Some come in fancy gift bags. And some come in a simple 5x7 envelope.

Of course, they're all good, but this afternoon I was especially excited to see that familiar envelope in my mailbox because it came from Pioneer Drama Service and it contained the contract for my latest play, The Worst Fairy Tale Ever. That's right. They're going to publish it, making this one-act comedy my 28th play with Pioneer and my 32nd play overall.

Since the play was commissioned by Belmont Day School, I've already spoken at length about its development (namely, here and here and here) so I don't have anything more to say about the play at this time. Instead, I'll do something I haven't done before and share an excerpt from the play.

This scene occurs near the beginning of the play after the narrator--the only member of the cast who's read the script--informs the actors that they're just going to have to wing it.

NARRATOR: (Reads.) A long time ago in a land far, far away, there was a king named Roderick (Pause.) I said, there was a king named Roderick! (Pause. Calls OFF LEFT.) King Roderick! Yoo-hoo!

KING: (ENTERS LEFT out of breath, adjusting his crown.) Sorry. I forgot which part I was playing.

NARRATOR: You're King Roderick.

KING: Oh, right. Thanks for clearing that up.

NARRATOR: (Reads.) Now King Roderick was a very wise king—

KING: (Poses dramatically.) Two plus two is four!

NARRATOR: (Reads.) But he was also very sad.

KING: (Sobs.) Oh, why is two plus two always four? Why can't it ever be five?

NARRATOR: That's not why you're sad.

KING: It's not?

NARRATOR: No. It's because your page has brought you horrible news.

KING: Let me guess. The peasants are about to storm the castle?

NARRATOR: No.

KING: The queen is about to storm my man cave?

NARRATOR: No. Well, yes. But that's not as horrible as what the page has to say.

KING: It's horrible enough.

NARRATOR: All right. Well, if you must know, a giant, fire-breathing dragon has crossed the border into your kingdom and is attacking the peasants.

KING: I don't know. I still think the man cave thing is worse.

PAGE: (ENTERS LEFT.) Your Majesty! Your Majesty! I bring horrible news! A giant, fire-breathing dragon has crossed the border into your kingdom and—

KING: I know. The narrator just told me.

PAGE: (To NARRATOR.) Hey! That was my line!

NARRATOR: Sorry. He wormed it out of me.

I expect The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to be released this spring. In the meantime, if you'd like to see the synopsis and cast breakdown, just hop on over to the play's web page on the New Play Exchange (subscription required--and highly recommended!).