Saturday, April 28, 2018

More feedback from Hollywood

To add to my latest post, I just received a second set of feedback on my screenplay for The Enchanted Bookshop, this time from a well-known screenplay-hosting service (sharp readers will get my reference above).

Not surprisingly, these comments covered much of the same ground as the previous ones. This reader didn't have a problem with Book Fairy, but she did think that the way that Margie gets the locked book from Lady in Red seemed contrived. She also felt that the book characters were too passive. In her view, the plot is almost entirely driven by Eddie and Fingers.

One point this reader made that the other did not is that some of the dialogue seemed clunky and forced. I wish she'd provided more details as I'm not sure which exactly dialogue she's referring to.

Writers like to say that you can ignore advice that comes from only one source, but if two or more sources agree, then you've got to take it seriously. Well, both of these readers agree on the weakness of the book character's goals and the implausibility of the Lady in Red's scheme. You'd better believe I'm going to review those in detail over the next few weeks.

The good part? Neither reader thought the screenplay was uncinematic, even though the scenes run long and the entire story takes place in what is essentially a single location. So I guess the revisions only need to be minor. The readers also loved the premise and think the scene where the characters hide out in each other's books (something I new with the screenplay) is a hoot.

Now to get to work on those tweaks...