When I decided to become a full-time writer two years ago, I'd hoped that the huge boost in writing time (from 1 1/2 hours a day to 4 hours a day) would pay off just as hugely in my royalties. Unfortunately, that didn't happen last year, when my royalties were up only 6% over the previous year.
Well, I'm happy to report that this year I finally saw the boost I've been waiting for. My royalties were up a whopping 35% while my productions were up the same percentage--from 451 to 608. I'm now making about 60% of my annual income from writing, and if I can somehow replicate that growth in each of the next two years, I'll be able to live solely on my royalties (and maybe take that trip to Europe!).
Part of that boost came from having more plays published, of course. Last year at this time, I had 31 plays in print. Now I've got 35.
But more importantly, most of my older plays showed very little dropoff in the number of productions they received. Some even saw a small bump. And it was the best year ever for The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Lights! Camera! Murder!, both of which have been out for seven years
This year, my plays have also appeared in four new countries, making for a total of 28 countries.
Now that we've dealt with that, let's jump into...
Normally a play will peak in its first full year of publication, with its popularity waning in the subsequent years until it flattens out at a level about a half to a quarter of that.
Well, there's been very little waning for this incredibly popular play. After a record-setting 156 productions in the 2018-2019 season, The Enchanted Bookshop has snagged at least 100 productions each year since then (except for the two COVID years, of course). And the 122 productions it got this year is the second-best showing it's ever had.
But that's not all. This year, The Enchanted Bookshop got me my 25th country when it was performed at a secondary school in Cyprus. And did I mention that it remains Pioneer's top-selling full-length play?
2) Bringing Down the House--68 productions
This extra-large comedy continues to surprise me. Last year, it managed to debut at number three on this list, garnering an impressive 36 productions in its first nine months of publication.
This year, it managed to snatch the number two spot. The 68 productions it got is more than any of my plays not titled The Enchanted Bookshop have ever gotten. And that's good enough to make Bringing Down the House Pioneer's fifth best-selling full-length play.
Reports from schools and theater companies confirm that it really does bring down the house wherever it plays. And one of those places was Maui OnStage in beautiful Wailuku, Hawaii, where it became my first staged production in the Aloha State (my only other Hawaiian credit was a COVID-era production of my virtual comedy You're Virtually Driving Me Crazy!). Aloha, indeed!
3) Freaky Tiki--62 productions
They say music is the universal language, but this play convinces me that farce is just as universal. In its first full year of production, this Hawaii-set comedy was performed in Japan (my 26th country), Portugal (my 27th country), Indonesia, and Canada.
I never expected this one to do so well, but maybe I should have. After all, it's another over-the-top comedy in the spirit of Million Dollar Meatballs and It's a Madhouse!, two plays which have done extremely well for me over the years.
But this one goes even more over the top than those, featuring an opera singer forced to communicate by clown horn, a tiki figure that magically disappears and reappears, and a chase scene involving a hot-headed French chef and a human-sized lobster. You might even learn a little Hawaiian from it.
4) The Worst Fairy Tale Ever--48 productions
Last year, I had a hunch that this one-act comedy--my first in ten years--was going to be big. Just a few weeks after it was published, more than one drama teacher (okay, two) wrote to tell me how excited their kids were to produce it.
Well, that excitement continued throughout the year, allowing The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to debut at number four on this list.
Of course, it helps that this is by far my easiest play to produce. It has a cast of just eight, no set except for a single stage cube, and no costumes other than an assortment of hats, making it perfect for cash-strapped schools and theaters.
It was inspired by the madcap comedies of London-based Mischief Theatre, including the megahits The Play That Goes Wrong and Peter Pan Goes Wrong. I even wanted to call it The Fairy Tale That Goes Wrong, but that idea was quickly squashed by my lawsuit-adverse publisher. Now, with the success of this play, I'm thing about launching my own series of everything-that-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong comedies. The Worst Murder Mystery Ever anyone?
5) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Too Many Ghosts--33 productions
For the first time ever, I have a tie in my top five list, this time between the musical version of The Enchanted Bookshop and my haunted house comedy.
I don't know why the musical popped up this year, but I'll take it. Especially since the show got me my 28th country with a youth theatre production in Trinidad and Tobago.
As for Too Many Ghosts, I couldn't be more thrilled. I love this play. Like really, really love it.
One reason is that it's my most cinematic play. Not only is it highly visual (some of the photos I've seen of the ghost effects have blown me away), but the script is plotted like a big-budget movie. If I hadn't failed so miserably trying to break into Hollywood several years ago, I'd be tempted to adapt it into a screenplay.
The other reason is that it includes a subplot unlike anything else I've written. I don't want to give it away here--you really owe it to yourself to read the script--but it's quite sad, and I hope that the play draws a few tears as well as laughs.
So, yeah, it's been a fantastic year, and I owe it all to you, the drama teachers and theatre directors who've produced my plays over the last twelve months. I can't thank you enough. But I'm definitely going to try. And what better way than with a great big colorful...
I'm happy to say that my plays have found their way to two new countries this month. Last week, The Grammar Junior School in Nicosia, Cyprus performed The Enchanted Bookshop. And today, Yokohoma International School in Yokohama opened their production of Freaky Tiki. These represent my 26th and 27th countries.
I couldn't find any photos from the show in Cyprus, but Facebook had several from the one in Japan.
I've got to say, the set and costumes look fantastic. Of course, that giant lobster suit is always a hoot!
The play is a wild farce in the spirit of my full-length comedies Bringing Down the House or It's a Madhouse! It has a cast off of 33, slightly smaller than those two plays. And it requires only a single living-room set.
Here's the synopsis:
To solve their financial woes, Jeff and Quinn are forced to sell the charming Victorian home that Quinn inherited from her parents. Unfortunately, just as their open house is about to start, Quinn spies a mouse in the upstairs hallway.
Their realtor Moira is mortified. She wants to hire an exterminator to get rid of the mouse before any potential buyers see it. Kindhearted Quinn, however, insists that no traps, cats, or poisons be used. And so, unknown to the others, each of the three calls an exterminator specializing in "humane" methods.
One uses kazoos, one uses Viking weapons (Quinn didn't say anything about war hammers), and one dresses in a mouse costume in an attempt to get rid of the rodent. The result? Pure havoc as the exterminators prove better at chasing off the potential buyers than the mouse!
How did I come up with the idea? Well, that's an interesting story in itself.
When I brainstorm ideas for new plays. I usually start with the location. I ask myself: what setting is fresh and new (for me, at least) and offers a lot of potential for humor?
That's how I came up with Freaky Tiki (Hawaiian resort), It Happened on Route 66 (1950's diner), and Whole Latte Love (coffee shop). But after completing my last play, Mall Madness (1980's food court), I was stuck. I couldn't think of a single setting that met my requirements.
Then one day, I was watching the Netflix series No Good Deed and as soon as I saw that it was set during an open house, it hit me. I don't always need a unique location. A unique situation can work just as well. And an open house is one situation that's rife with possibilities.
I tossed around the idea of having a murder occur at an open house, but that seemed a little too dark for me. So then I imagined what else could go wrong during that open house. I thought about the couple having their pet hamster get loose, or their pet snake. But then I realized the only really good idea is to have a mouse running amuck in the house.
And not just any mouse. This mouse would be their neighbor's super-talented movie star mouse (think Stuart Little if that film had featured a real live rodent instead of a CGI figure).
It was a natural. All I had to do was throw in a few crazy exterminators, a money-hung realtor, a pair of obnoxious HOA officers, a confused pizza delivery person, and I had my plot.
Oh, one more thing. Mouse in the House wasn't its original title. I actually submitted it to Pioneer as Eek!
Personally, I loved the title. To me, it instantly created a picture in the mind of what is was about--and a funny one at that.
Then when I received the acceptance email today, Brian addressed the title again. He said that when the staff there started reviewing the script, some of the readers thought it might be a ghost story or a mystery.
It made a lot of sense. To me, "eek" always meant someone had seen a mouse, but a quick Google search showed that, yeah, some people use it for ghosts as well. And Merriam-Webster simply defines it as an interjection "used to express surprise or dismay". Which I guess includes everything you might be scared by, from spiders to zombies to public speaking.
So I agreed to dump that title. Fortunately, Brian already had another one ready to go: Mouse in the House.
I liked it. A lot. It tells you what the play's about. And it makes it clear that the play is a comedy.
I still have a couple months to see if I can come up with something even better. But for now, Mouse in the House it is. Look for this furry farce to receive a spring release.
No, not that kind of spring.
Three has always been my magic number. But this year, five carries a special kind of magic for me. Because that's the number of plays I've released this year--a new record.
Freaky Tiki is that fifth play (and my 29th overall), and it was just released by Pioneer Drama Service. This tropical comedy has a cast of 20 (3M, 12F, and 5 that can be any) and runs about 75 minutes. Here's the synopsis:
The Wobbly Palms Resort prides itself on being the finest two-and-a-half-star resort in Hawaii—and if it hadn't been for that incident in the goat yoga class last year, they'd still have that third star. Unfortunately, the owners are losing money on the place and will be forced to close it for good if they can't find a buyer soon.
There's still hope, however. The staff has just gotten word that a mystery guest will be arriving soon to evaluate the resort for possible purchase by a major hotel chain. All they have to do is make sure nothing goes wrong during the guest's stay. But then a different guest leaves a creepy-looking tiki with the front desk clerk for safekeeping and everything starts to go wrong.
First, the resort's hot-tempered French chef discovers that the lobster that was supposed to be that evening's dinner special has escaped. Then an obsessive young man determined to pull off the world's most elaborate marriage proposal loses the ring in a pond full of hungry piranhas. Next, a temperamental opera singer preparing for her comeback concert loses her voice, forcing her to communicate by clown horn. And finally the resort's perky activities director loses an entire tour group on a hike!
Could the tiki be cursed? If so, how can they counteract the curse? And exactly who is the mystery guest anyway?
Culminating in a crazy chase scene between the butterfly-net-wielding chef and an unusually large lobster, this hilarious comedy proves that sometimes bad luck is simply good luck in disguise.
I've already discussed how I came up with the idea for the play (think The White Lotus meets The Brady Bunch).
The play is particularly easy to produce. It requires only a single hotel lobby set. The costumes are fairly simple, primarily work clothes for the staff (maid, bellhop, chef) and vacation clothes for the guests. There are no special lighting requirements and only one sound effect, which can be easily produced using a crash box.
One fun bit is that the script includes a fair amount of Hawaiian vocabulary. But never fear! The script also includes a glossary with the pronunciation and definition of each of those terms. Your students may even come away from the production learning a little about Hawaiian history and culture.
Want to learn more? You can read a sample of the script and review full ordering info on the play's web page.
A hui hou! (That means "until we meet again.")
Well, I'm flying high. I just received the contract for my 26th play with Pioneer Drama Service, and 30th published play overall.
This one's a comedy titled Freaky Tiki and it's set at a Hawaiian resort loosely inspired by the partly idyllic, partly creepy one in the HBO dramedy The White Lotus. Of course, the sex-charged plot lines of that Emmy-winning show would be wildly inappropriate for the schools that form the core of my customer base, but I figured I could do something clean and funny in that lush, tropical setting.
That something came from another favorite show of mine, The Brady Bunch.
Anyone who grew up watching the sitcom, like I did, will remember the famous three-episode arc in which the Bradys visit Hawaii and youngest brother Bobby discovers a tiki figure which brings no end of bad luck to the family.
But I didn't want to copy that plot. I needed a twist.
As I was doing my research for the play, I discovered something interesting. It turns out that in Polynesian culture, tikis are not bad luck at all but are actually considered good luck, bringing power, knowledge, wisdom, and wealth to their owners.
That gave me my twist. What if the staff of the resort blames a string of bad, even disastrous, luck on a tiki that was left behind by a mysterious guest, only to see all of the bad luck turn into good luck by the end?
There was just one problem. I still had to figure out exactly what kind of bad luck befell each of the guests.
I brainstormed for weeks, but none of the ideas I came up with felt quite right. Frustrated, I put the script away.
When I came back to the script a couple months later, my path became clear. And that's because I realized I needed to make the curse more specific. The tiki didn't just bring bad luck to whoever touched it. It made them lose whatever was most important to them.
This allowed me to play around with the concept of loss. What different kinds of things can people lose?
Well, obviously, you can lose a valuable like a pricey engagement ring. This inspired a pair of characters: an obsessive young man determined to carry out the world's most elaborate wedding proposal and his sweet but suspicious girlfriend.
You can lose your voice. This led me to a controlling, past-her-prime opera singer and her harried assistants.
You can lose a person. That gave me a group of technology-challenged matrons who wander away from a hike led by the resort's perky activities director, only to become hopelessly lost in the rain forest.
Then, just for fun, I had the resort's hot-headed French chef lose the giant lobster he was planning to cook for dinner. This was the link that tied everything together, since the crazy chase that ensues leads to an even crazier chain of events in which the lobster ends up solving everyone's problems. And everyone's happy.
As I say in my synopsis, sometimes bad luck is simply good luck in disguise.
Want a little taste? Here's the beginning of the play, in which we meet the hapless staff:
ELAINE: Good afternoon, staff. As you know, we here at the Wobbly Palms Resort pride ourselves and being the finest two-and-a-half star resort in Hawaii. And if it hadn;t been for that incident in the goat yoga class last year, we'd still have that third star.
KIKI: Sorry, boss. I didn't think the goats were going to be that big.
ELAINE: Those weren't goats, Kiki. They were yaks.
KIKI: Tomato, tomahto.
NALANI: You would not be saying that if you had to clean up after them.
ELAINE: Look, I know you're all trying to do a good job, but you've got to try harder. The owners are already struggling to make ends meet. If we scare off any more guests, they'll be forced to close the resort for good.
KIKI: They can't close it down!
SPENCER: This is the oldest resort on the North Shore!
MAURICE: What weell we do? Where weell we go?
ELAINE: The unemployment line, probably. But the reason I called you all here was to share some good news. I just got word that a representative from the world's largest hotel chain will be visiting us, and if he likes what he sees, he just may buy the resort.
KIKI: That would be great!
NALANI: We would finally have the money to fix up this dump!
SPENCER: We could all save our jobs!
MAURICE: When ees thees person coming?
ELAINE: I don't know.
MAURICE: What ees hees name?
ELAINE: I don't know that either.
MAURICE: Well, how weell we know who he is?
ELAINE: We won't. That's the point. He needs to stay incognito so that he can objectively evaluate our cleanliness, our efficiency, and most of all, our hospitality. That's why it's important for all of us to remember our motto.
NALANI: We have a motto?
ELAINE: Yes, we have a motto! Come on! What do I always tell you guys?
NALANI: Stop snooping through the guests' belongings?
ELAINE: No, not that thing. the other thing.
MAURICE: Do not throw a temper tantrum in front of ze guests?
ELAINE: A good idea, Maurice, but not what I would call a motto. Spencer would you like to try?
SPENCER: If you drop one more bag, you're fired?ELAINE: No, no, no! Our motto is every guest deserves the best!
(The STAFF mumbles ad-libbed comments like "Oh, yeah," "Right," and "Now I remember.")
If you subscribe to the New Play Exchange, you can read the full synopsis, cast list, and a 20-page sample on the play's web page. If you don't subscribe, you might consider doing so. For just $12 per year, you get access to the biggest, most easily searchable play database on the web.
I've been a member of the New Play Exchange since it first launched in 2015, and while I was a bit skeptical of it at first (I doubted theaters would actually use it), I've become a huge proponent since.
Give it a whirl! I think you'll be glad you did.
