The critic lives!

Once upon a time there was a theatre critic. He enjoyed being a theatre critic very much.

He loved seeing shows, night after night after night. He loved writing about those shows. And he loved supporting the local theatre community.

But seeing so many plays made him realize one thing. What he really wanted to be was a playwright.

So he wrote a play about what he knew. And that was being a theatre critic.

Only the theatre critic he wrote about wasn't very nice. In fact, he was downright awful. He was so awful, in fact, that an impulsive young actor kidnapped him in order to prevent him from slamming his Broadway debut.

Sadly, the actor wasn't very careful. When the critic asked him for a bottle of scotch, the actor accidentally handed him a bottle of rat poison. And the critic bit the dust.

Oops.

The playwright liked what he wrote. So he asked a friend to direct it.

The director cast some of the funniest actors in town. And the play was a big hit. At least in Colorado Springs, where the play received its world premiere.

The actors loved the play so much, they performed it at another local theater a couple months later. Full of hope, the playwright submitted the script to over a hundred theaters and contests. It had its second production at a theatre in Austin and even received a staged reading at a theatre in Hollywood (yes, that Hollywood).

And there it stopped. No other theaters wanted to perform it. No publishers wanted to publish it.

And so the script sat. Unperformed. Unpublished. Unloved. For eight long years.

That playwright is me, of course. And the play is Kill the Critic!

The story does have a happy ending. Kill the Critic! was finally published by Heuer Publishing two years ago. And this week, the play is receiving its third production--eleven years after its second!

The lucky theatre company? Hawkeye Community Theatre in Fort Dodge, Iowa. This article in The Messenger tells the tale.

In it, director Lindey Krug doesn't go into detail about why she chose the play, opting to focus instead on the audition process and the set design. But she does describe the play as "laugh out loud" and waxed poetic on how easy it was to visualize the play.

Hide-the-corpse farces are like that.

And with that, I'll wrap up this post by wishing the entire cast and crew very hearty broken legs. I just know you're going to "kill" it!

30 Minutes Till Boarding to be published!

It's been a very long road--or should I say runway?--but my airport comedy is finally ready for the big time. Thirty Minutes Till Boarding has just been accepted for publication by Pioneer Drama Service. This is my 32nd play with them, and 36th play overall. And am I relieved!

The commish

I've been working on Thirty Minutes Till Boarding since April 2025, when Belmont Day School commissioned me to write another large cast play for them, my third in five years. The play finally premiered to great acclaim in March of this year. And you might think that would be it. Send it to Pioneer, wait for the inevitable acceptance of such a brilliant work, and move on to the next play.

Except it wasn't that simple. Pioneer liked it, but not enough to actually send me a contract. They wanted changes.

I was cool with that. I mean, I've revised my plays for them before, and the plays always come out stronger as a result: tighter, more organic, easier to produce. But this time they wanted a LOT of changes.

Since the play was written on commission, it was tailored to the requirements of the school. And Pioneer felt some of those requirements wouldn't carry over to other schools and community theaters. 

So I fired up my laptop and got to work.

Trimming the fat

The first thing that had to change was the size. This monster of a play was 104 pages long with a cast of 40. It was fairly easy to cut out 4 of the characters as they were in standalone stories and didn't really interact with the characters in the play (although I greatly miss the humor in those scenes). That. and some judicious trimming of the dialog throughout, got the script down to 88 pages and a cast of 36.

I also added a production note that explained how directors could cut additional characters to get the cast size down to 32, 30, or even 26.

Pioneer was concerned about the location. The play was originally set at Boston Logan International Airport, a nod to the school that commissioned it, and that turned out to be an auspicious choice because the airport's quirky nighttime closing policy inspired one of the key plot points in my play.

The problem is that Boston Logan is still remembered by many people as being the originating airport for the two planes that flew into the World Trade Center on 9/11. Wishing to avoid that association, we decided to change the location to a very generic-sounding New England International Airport (a suggestion of my editor Brian).

Tying it all together

The biggest change--and the one that took the most time--revolved around the characters of Egbert and Henrietta. I included them because my intent with the play was to show a cross-section of humanity, and what could be more human than an elderly couple who is traveling to see their brand new grandbaby and can't stop showing pictures of her to everyone they meet?

Egbert is also quite a talker, and in the original version of the play, he dishes out words of advice that happen to solve some pretty big problems for the characters he talks to.

Well, Pioneer wanted more of that, and I agreed. So I came up with ways for Egbert to solve EVERYONE's problems,. The trick was doing so without making it seem forced or overly sentimental.

I think I did it. As a result, Egbert has become the connective tissue of the play in that he ties all of the individual stories together. But he has also become the heart, dispensing wisdom without really realizing it and making the world a better place along the way.

Oh, one more thing. Pioneer wanted to change the title from Thirty Minutes Till Boarding to 30 Minutes Till Boarding so it would show up higher in search results. Eight keystrokes later, the change was made. If only all changes were that easy!

Fortunately, Pioneer loved my changes and agreed to publish the play just in time for the new school year.

An adorable child

This is the place in the post where I usually give you a taste of the play by sharing one of my favorite scenes. Of course, I already shared a scene in an earlier post, but that was one of the ones ended up on the cutting room floor. So instead, let me leave you with a scene which is absolutely, positively guaranteed to show up in the published script. In it, Egbert and Henrietta are assisted by the two very different gate agents, Marsha and Kylie.

MARSHA: May I help you, sir?

EGBERT: (Reads her nametag.) Oh. I see your name is Marsha—

MARSHA: Yes, it is—

EGBERT: We have a daughter named Marsha. Just had our first grandbaby, she and her husband Dave. That's why we're traveling, you know. To see her.

MARSHA: (Unenthusiastic.) Well, isn't that wonderful?

EGBERT: Would you like to see a picture of her?

MARSHA: Um—

KYLIE: Of course, we would! (MARSHA rolls her eyes at KYLIE. EGBERT pulls out his wallet. The accordion-style photo holder inside falls open.) Wow. That's a lot of pictures.

EGBERT: You can never have enough pictures when you've got the cutest grandbaby in the world!

HENRIETTA: Oh, Egbert! Stop bragging!

EGBERT: That's not bragging! It's a documented fact!

MARSHA: She's an adorable child, sir. Now how can we help you? 

EGBERT: What? Oh, yes. I was hoping we could get our seat assignments.

MARSHA: Of course, you can, sir. May I see your boarding passes?

EGBERT: (Digs in his pockets.) Boarding passes. Boarding passes. Now what did I do with those?

KYLIE: They're right here, sir. (Grabs the boarding passes and holds them up.)

EGBERT: Well, would you look at that! I plumb forgot I set them down!

(DR. DIAZ forms a line behind EGBERT. GERALDINE, PAUL, and BELINDA quickly join her.)

KYLIE: (Looks at the boarding pass.) Oh, look, sir. You already have your seats assigned. See? You're in 21E and your lovely wife is in 21F.

EGBERT: Huh. I wonder when we did that.

MARSHA: You must have done it at the ticket counter.

KYLIE: Or maybe you did it at home?

EGBERT: Now how could we have done that?

KYLIE: Oh, it's really very simple, sir. Just go to our website or download our app—

EGBERT: Nope. No way. We don't do any of that fancy internet stuff.

KYLIE: Okay...

EGBERT: It's like our daughter always says. She says, "Dad, you really need to get a cell phone." Well, I've gotten along fine without one for seventy-two years. Why would I need one now?

KYLIE: It looks like you're all set for your flight, sir. (Hands the boarding passes back to EGBERT.)

EGBERT: And besides, you can't make a real connection with someone over the phone. You've got to talk to them face-to-face!

MARSHA: Excuse me, sir, but there are people waiting behind you.

EGBERT: Huh? (Turns and sees THERAPY GROUP.) Ah. So there is. So there is.

HENRIETTA: Come along, Egbert. Why don't you find us a place to sit?

EGBERT: I think I'll find us a place to sit.

KYLIE: You have yourself a sunshiny day, do you hear?

MARSHA: Please. Don't encourage him.

I think this one is going to be a big hit. It's got humor. It's got heart. And it's got Egbert. What else do you need?

South Dakota Route 66 celebrates America's birthday

Route 66 may not have gone through South Dakota. But it definitely leads to the heart of one Coyote State theater.

For 34 years now, Area Community Theatre has entertained the citizens of Mitchell, South Dakota (home of the world famous Corn Palace!). They do five adult shows a year plus one youth show in the summer.

This year, with the 250th birthday of America just around the corner, they wanted the youth show to celebrate our country. And what could be more American than It Happened on Route 66, a play set along that famous ribbon of asphalt known as America's Highway?

According to this news article on the Mitchell Now website, the cast and crew are having a blast.

"Everybody is really enjoying it, and getting into their characters," says office manager Jesse Stroud. "And having the hands-on piece, too, of the set building and picking out some of the props and doing those things is giving them a lot of ownership in the process."

Sounds like a fantastic experience. But that's not all. In a first for the theater, they've arranged for a fun, 20-minute history lesson on Route 66 to be presented before the show by Dakota Wesleyan University in partnership with LifeQuest, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting persons with developmental challenges.

The good folks at Area Community Theatre may not realize it, but there's another reason why It Happened on Route 66 was an especially apt choice. This November 11 marks exactly one hundred years since the highway was commissioned by the Federal Government.

Happy birthday, America! And happy birthday, Route 66! 

On weddings and rollercoasters

I don't usually talk about my personal life on these pages. But then I don't usually have a weekend like the one that just ended.

It all started on Friday with the wedding of our daughter Brooke to the love of her life, a wonderful young man named Ryan Winter (Brooke Winter has a nice ring to it, don't you think?). It was a gorgeous outdoor wedding in the Rim Country of Arizona, where the desert suddenly gives way to Ponderosa-covered mountains, and the weather was pretty much ideal: warm but not too warm, with an endless blue sky and not a drop of humidity in the air.

The wedding took place at Cabins on Strawberry Hill, a rustic resort with fourteen small but very cozy cabins, a wood-paneled reception hall, a large firepit, and an outdoor area with a mountain backdrop for the ceremony itself.

The wedding was officiated by a guy who works with Ryan (they're both civil engineers working on mostly highway-related projects; Brooke is an account manager at a marketing firm). Derek had gotten ordained so he could officiate another friend's wedding, but that one fell through so Brooke and Ryan are actually the first couple he ever married.

The setting for the ceremony was glorious, the bride was beautiful (of course!), and the vows were heartfelt and humorous (especially the bit about Ryan promising not to get mad when Brooke's Diamondbacks beats his beloved Padres).

Derek brought the funny as well. We all knew that Brooke and Ryan met on the dating app Hinge and that they'd bonded over a shared love of hiking, beer, and dogs. What we didn't know, at least until it was revealed by Derek, was that Ryan borrowed his roommate's dog for his profile picture because he didn't actually have one of his own.

The next hour was spent taking pictures, then we all proceeded to the reception, where a taco truck served a delicious, if messy, reception dinner, while the specialty cocktails included a Spicy Mika-Rita (named after Brooke's sassy rat terrier mix) that was a big hit. Afterwards, the DJ kept the energy level high and the crowd dancing with an eclectic mix of yacht rock (blame Brooke), alt rock, and hip hop. Everyone had a fantastic time.

The bets part: my 83-year-old widowed mother-in-law caught the bouquet.

At the same time, Tammy and I were dealing with a dying dog. After our 12-year-old lab mix Honey lost interest in food at the beginning of May, we spent the rest of the month shuttling her from vet clinic to vet clinic, trying to figure out what was causing it and what could we do about it.

The answers turned out to be: 1) a 5cm squamous cell carcinoma mass in her soft palate and throat, and 2) nothing. Chemotherapy is ineffective with this type of cancer, and while radiation would kill the tumor, it would leave a gaping hole in the roof of her mouth which would still make it difficult to eat.

We knew she would need to be put down eventually, but we didn't want to rush it just before the wedding. We were hoping to give her a few special days before she passed. So we rented an Airbnb (dogs weren't allowed to stay at the cabins) and brought her with us.

She loved it there. She was so excited to sniff the long grass around the house we'd rented, just as she used to do before she fell ill. And on Saturday, when we took her for a brief visit to the cabins, she reveled in all the attention she got from the wedding guests.

It may have been her last happy day.

Brooke and Ryan are now in Cabo San Lucas and we're back at home, making preparations for Honey's farewell. And as I look back at the weekend, I'm struck by what a rollercoaster ride of emotions it was. We're thrilled for Brooke and Ryan, that their wedding was everything they dreamed it would be and that their future is so blindingly bright.

But we're finding it difficult to separate that from the grief we feel knowing that Honey will soon no longer be with us. She's always been such a sweet, kindhearted dog, and we're going to miss her terribly.

The greatest of joys to the deepest of sorrows, all in one weekend. It's almost too much to bear. But I suppose that's life.

Ohio Ghosts wins big at high school drama awards

Theatre isn't about winning prizes. It's about expressing your individuality. It's about making a meaningful connection with other human beings. It's about creating art. 

But, boy, it sure does feel good when you do win a prize!

Fairport Harding High School in Fairport Harbor, OH, has plenty to feel good about after the local Rotary Clubs handed out their annual drama awards for Lake County high schools earlier this month. As reported in this article from the News-Herald, the school's production of Too Many Ghosts received a nomination in all eight categories it was eligible for and won four. Now that's impressive, especially when you consider that there are 17 high schools in Lake County!

Alas, Too Many Ghosts didn't win Best Drama/Comedy, losing out to some obscure play titled Peter and the Starcatcher, but it did win the Behind the Scenes Award for their backstage crew work.

Here's the complete list of nominations that the show received:

Male Lead in a Drama/Comedy
Hunter Wilson as folksy handyman Ernie

Female Lead in a Drama/Comedy
Irelyn Swan as level-headed innkeeper Jo
Ava Flerchinger as Jo's horror-loving teenage daughter Lily (Winner!)

Male Support in a Drama/Comedy
James Thellman as fussy 1790's ghost Roland

Female Support in a Drama/Comedy
Fiona Johnston as melancholy 1940's ghost Sophie

Male Sub Support in a Drama/Comedy
Kayden Moser as bombastic 1850's ghost Barney (Winner!)

Female Sub Support in a Drama/Comedy
Nikiyah Clark as cranky 1690's banshee Orla (Winner!)

Best Drama/Comedy

Behind the Scenes Award (Winner!)

Congratulations to all the nominees and winners! You make an old playwright proud.

Tennessee Bookshop brings a theater back to life

It's always sad when a youth theater goes dark. In these challenging times, kids need theatre now more than ever. But with vision, commitment, and dozens of dedicated volunteers, it's possible to turn those old stage lights on again.

Glenn L. Martin Elementary School in Crossville, Tennessee is a particularly inspiring example of this. After several years without any theatrical productions, the school's theatre program came back to life this month with a show that assistant principal Nicole Graham described as "magical".

And which show would that be? Why, none other than my play The Enchanted Bookshop.

This article in the Crossville Chronicle tells the tale. And what an inspiring tale it is.

In a yearlong series of classes, the kids dove deep into learning about the various aspects of producing a show. They learned how to audition. They learned how to design sets. They learned how to manage props. They learned how to memorize their parts quickly, painfully quickly. And they learned how to make the characters their own.

But the most important thing the kids learned came from inside themselves. As fifth-grade teacher Kim Stephens put it, "Students I never would have imagined stepping onto the stage were absolutely fantastic, shining with confidence and talent in ways that left us all amazed." 

Will they do another show next year? You'd better believe it! Everyone loved the experience so much that they can't wait to do it again.

And I'll be cheering them all the way.

Don't Rock the Boat! gets a premiere

So I found a school that's eager to premiere my latest play, Don't Rock the Boat! And if you're wondering why you haven't heard about this one, there's a very good reason for that.

This 1930's high-seas comedy was rejected by my publisher of choice, Pioneer Drama Service, back in March. Whenever that happens, I hit pause and work on getting the play produced before submitting it to my backup publisher, Heuer Publishing. That then provides an opportunity for a school or community theater to receive a world premiere credit in the script, if and when it does get published.

How do I find these schools? Well, in the past, I've posted the announcement here on my blog. Oddly enough, however, I've been wildly unsuccessful in actually generating any interest that way. So this time I decide to approach a highly select group of schools that have worked with me in the past.

As it turns out, it was a real race to see who'd get the premiere of Don't Rock the Boat! Adrian McCracken at Hillcrest High School in Idaho, who'd produced my 1940's farce The Last Radio Show, was the first to respond so I gave the honors to him.

Just two days later, Trey Jackson at Caddo Parish Middle Magnet School in Louisiana, who'd premiered my one-act mystery A Fine-Feathered Murder, expressed his interest in the play. Trey was disappointed he missed out, but he loved the play so much that he was happy to be the second to produce it.

Around this same time, I also received an email about the play from a high school director in Nebraska who had come across the synopsis somewhere. It turns out she wanted to perform a slimmed-down version of the play for competition. Unfortunately, she needed it by November 3, and I told her that would be impossible as Hillcrest has exclusive rights through November 10, when they plan to perform it.

Adrian's school was the one I visited back in 2024 and I had a fantastic time there. He's currently looking into having me visit again, but even if that doesn't work out, I'm still excited to work with him because he intends to include me in every detail during the run-up to the show, from creating the promotional materials to developing the script.

In the meantime, Don't Rock the Boat! remains available for licensing directly from me.

Oh, you want to know more about the play? Well, let me tell you about it.

Don't Rock the Boat! is a romantic comedy set in the 1930's. It has a cast of 18 (4M, 10F, 4E), uses a single set representing the promenade deck of an ocean liner, and runs about 90 minutes.

Here's the synopsis:

It's hilarity on the high seas as Maisie and Lulu, two American pickpockets in Liverpool, escape the police by using the tickets they stole to board an ocean liner bound for New York. Unfortunately, they discover that the tickets belong to the princess of a small European country and her private secretary. Now Maisie and Lulu are forced to impersonate the pair for the duration of the voyage—or be thrown in the brig!

Against her better judgment, Maisie soon falls for a charming prince who's also on board. But when she learns that a matronly passenger is wearing a diamond necklace worth three million dollars, she risks everything to steal it. That's when the prince reveals that he's really a private detective who was hired to guard the necklace. Now he'll stop at nothing to identify the thief who stole it and lock him (or her!) away.

If you love those classic screwball comedies like It Happened One Night and His Girl Friday, you're going to love Don't Rock the Boat! And if you have no clue what these movies are, then you owe it to yourself to at least read the script. I guarantee it's one of the funniest things I've ever done. And all you have to do is email me a request for a free perusal script at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Easy peasy!

Wyoming Bookshop showcases the magic of stories

Casper Children's Theatre of Casper, Wyoming, is a busy, busy place, with three age groups working on shows simultaneously and a production calendar that never lets up, not even for summer.

Tonight they open a three-day run of The Enchanted Bookshop, and it promises to be a hit. At least, if you believe this writeup of the show by Nick Perkins in the Oil City News.

Executive director Audrey Egan said she chose the play for two reasons. The first is that it has "a lot of really fun characters". Because they're an educational theatre, they seek out shows that offer their students a wide variety of ages, accents, and personalities to play.

The second reason is just as important. "[I]n our ever increasingly digital age," Egan goes on, "we thought that showcasing the magic of books and the magic of stories and the magic of theater was kind of a cool element..."

As it turns out, many of the students had no idea who some of the characters were. And I guess that makes sense. When I was a kid, many of the characters--Tom Sawyer, Robin Hood, Heidi--were featured in popular movies. But nowadays, Hollywood would rather base their features on comic books and video games than books. 

In any case, the kids came up to speed on their characters quickly. Now Egan can't wait for audiences to see the show.

"They'll be able to spend time as a family, see the magic of theater and maybe even see the sparkle and the comfort of reading and of literature."

Break legs, all! And make sure to sprinkle that magic on everyone who comes!

My 15th year sales

When I decided to become a full-time writer two years ago, I'd hoped that the huge boost in writing time (from 1 1/2 hours a day to 4 hours a day) would pay off just as hugely in my royalties. Unfortunately, that didn't happen last year, when my royalties were up only 6% over the previous year.

Well, I'm happy to report that this year I finally saw the boost I've been waiting for. My royalties were up a whopping 35% while my productions were up the same percentage--from 451 to 608. I'm now making about 60% of my annual income from writing, and if I can somehow replicate that growth in each of the next two years, I'll be able to live solely on my royalties (and maybe take that trip to Europe!). 

Part of that boost came from having more plays published, of course. Last year at this time, I had 31 plays in print. Now I've got 35.

But more importantly, most of my older plays showed very little dropoff in the number of productions they received. Some even saw a small bump. And it was the best year ever for The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Lights! Camera! Murder!, both of which have been out for seven years

This year, my plays have also appeared in four new countries, making for a total of 28 countries.

Now that we've dealt with that, let's jump into...

The top five

1) The Enchanted Bookshop--122 productions

Normally a play will peak in its first full year of publication, with its popularity waning in the subsequent years until it flattens out at a level about a half to a quarter of that.

Well, there's been very little waning for this incredibly popular play. After a record-setting 156 productions in the 2018-2019 season, The Enchanted Bookshop has snagged at least 100 productions each year since then (except for the two COVID years, of course). And the 122 productions it got this year is the second-best showing it's ever had. 

But that's not all. This year, The Enchanted Bookshop got me my 25th country when it was performed at a secondary school in Cyprus. And did I mention that it remains Pioneer's top-selling full-length play?

2) Bringing Down the House--68 productions

This extra-large comedy continues to surprise me. Last year, it managed to debut at number three on this list, garnering an impressive 36 productions in its first nine months of publication.

This year, it managed to snatch the number two spot. The 68 productions it got is more than any of my plays not titled The Enchanted Bookshop have ever gotten. And that's good enough to make Bringing Down the House Pioneer's fifth best-selling full-length play.

Reports from schools and theater companies confirm that it really does bring down the house wherever it plays. And one of those places was Maui OnStage in beautiful Wailuku, Hawaii, where it became my first staged production in the Aloha State (my only other Hawaiian credit was a COVID-era production of my virtual comedy You're Virtually Driving Me Crazy!). Aloha, indeed!

3) Freaky Tiki--62 productions

They say music is the universal language, but this play convinces me that farce is just as universal. In its first full year of production, this Hawaii-set comedy was performed in Japan (my 26th country), Portugal (my 27th country), Indonesia, and Canada.

I never expected this one to do so well, but maybe I should have. After all, it's another over-the-top comedy in the spirit of Million Dollar Meatballs and It's a Madhouse!, two plays which have done extremely well for me over the years.

But this one goes even more over the top than those, featuring an opera singer forced to communicate by clown horn, a tiki figure that magically disappears and reappears, and a chase scene involving a hot-headed French chef and a human-sized lobster. You might even learn a little Hawaiian from it.

4) The Worst Fairy Tale Ever--48 productions

Last year, I had a hunch that this one-act comedy--my first in ten years--was going to be big. Just a few weeks after it was published, more than one drama teacher (okay, two) wrote to tell me how excited their kids were to produce it.

Well, that excitement continued throughout the year, allowing The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to debut at number four on this list.

Of course, it helps that this is by far my easiest play to produce. It has a cast of just eight, no set except for a single stage cube, and no costumes other than an assortment of hats, making it perfect for cash-strapped schools and theaters.

It was inspired by the madcap comedies of London-based Mischief Theatre, including the megahits The Play That Goes Wrong and Peter Pan Goes Wrong. I even wanted to call it The Fairy Tale That Goes Wrong, but that idea was quickly squashed by my lawsuit-adverse publisher. Now, with the success of this play, I'm thing about launching my own series of everything-that-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong comedies. The Worst Murder Mystery Ever anyone?

5) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Too Many Ghosts--33 productions

For the first time ever, I have a tie in my top five list, this time between the musical version of The Enchanted Bookshop and my haunted house comedy.

I don't know why the musical popped up this year, but I'll take it. Especially since the show got me my 28th country with a youth theatre production in Trinidad and Tobago.

As for Too Many Ghosts, I couldn't be more thrilled. I love this play. Like really, really love it.

One reason is that it's my most cinematic play. Not only is it highly visual (some of the photos I've seen of the ghost effects have blown me away), but the script is plotted like a big-budget movie. If I hadn't failed so miserably trying to break into Hollywood several years ago, I'd be tempted to adapt it into a screenplay.

The other reason is that it includes a subplot unlike anything else I've written. I don't want to give it away here--you really owe it to yourself to read the script--but it's quite sad, and I hope that the play draws a few tears as well as laughs.

Feeling grateful

So, yeah, it's been a fantastic year, and I owe it all to you, the drama teachers and theatre directors who've produced my plays over the last twelve months. I can't thank you enough. But I'm definitely going to try. And what better way than with a great big colorful...

Mouse in the House is now available!

My 31st play with Pioneer Drama Service (and 35th play overall) has just been released! It's titled Mouse in the House, and if you love my crazy, over-the-top farces like It's a Madhouse! or Freaky Tiki, then you'll definitely want to check out this one! 

Rodent trouble

Mouse in the House is a full-length comedy about Jeff and Quinn, a young couple who see a mouse in the Victorian home they're selling just moments before their open house is set to begin. Their hard-driving realtor Moira has the solution. Call an exterminator--and fast!

But kindhearted Quinn puts her foot down, insisting that no traps, cats, or poisons be used. And so, unbeknownst to the others, each of the three calls an exterminator specializing in "humane" methods that include everything from kazoos to Viking weapons (after all, Quinn never said anything about swords and war hammers!).

The result? Pure havoc as the exterminators prove better at chasing off the potential buyers than the mouse!

Mouse in the House has a cast of 33, although with doubling you can perform it with as few as 18 actors. The play uses only a single living room set and runs about 70 minutes.

If you'd like to know which Netflix original series inspired Mouse in the House, check out my earlier post about the play here (you might be surprised!). If you prefer to read a sample from the script or review the ordering information, simply bop on over to the Pioneer website by clicking here.

The perfect town

I've posted about how lately I've been setting in my plays in oddly specific locales. Well, I continue this pattern with Mouse in the House, which I've set in Wabasha, Minnesota.

Why Wabasha? Bear with me. There are actually several parts to that answer.

The process of choosing the location started with one of the exterminators that were called. They're intended to be a legitimate exterminating company with the unlikely name of Sheldon's Touchy Feely Pest Control. The thing is that the exterminators happen to be avid Viking reenactors as well, which explains why they arrive with those nasty Norse weapons in hand.

Vikings? Yeah, that meant that the play had to take place in the great (and painfully frigid) state of Minnesota.

But which city? Well, as I said, the story takes place in an old Victorian. The home means a lot to Quinn--she grew up there, after all--and I felt it would seem even more meaningful if it had some history and some elegance to it.

When I Googled a list of Minnesota cities noted for their Victorian homes, the first one that popped up was St. Paul. Well, that city is just too big. I wanted to set the story in a charming little town.

The next few places on the list held more promise: Stillwater, Minnetonka, Rochester. I suppose any of those would do. But I also wanted the town to be quiet. Very quiet. One of the couples looking to buy the house got themselves into a horribly noisy situation with their current home (think planes, trains, and golf balls) so they're desperate to find a place that's way more peaceful and relaxed.

So my next step was to Google the quietest town in the Gopher State, and I was pleased that the answer was a place with a very musical, very Minnesota-sounding name: Wabasha. This picturesque town of 2500 flannel-wearing souls on the Mississippi River turned out to be perfect. The nearest airport is 40 miles away, there's not much train activity (other than the Holiday Train I refer to in the script), and golf courses are minimal.

It wasn't until later that I learned that the town was also the setting for Grumpy Old Men, the 1993 comedy starring Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. Which makes me very happy. Mouse in the House may not have an all-out brawl on the ice. But it's got plenty of grumpy characters.

I just hope it makes people laugh as much as that beloved film.

Mall Madness comes to life

In the 1980's, the mall was the one place where
all the cool (and not-so-cool) kids hung out.

Long-time followers of this blog know that I like to post the first production photos I find for each new play of mine. I do this for a couple of reasons. 

One is to promote the play. My hope is that these photos will help you theater directors and drama teachers out there to get a sense of the play: what it's about, the tone, how difficult it might be to produce.

The other is to provide a little inspiration. If you do decide to produce the play, the sets and costumes in these photos might give you some ideas for your own production. At the very least, they'll get you thinking.

 

"Oh, for heaven's sakes! Popcorn again!
Why can't it ever be something easy
like a doughnut or a quesadilla?"

Today I'm sharing photos from my 1980's high school comedy, Mall Madness. This is not actually my newest play. That honor belongs to A Fine-Feathered Murder, which was released in November. But since Mall Madness came out in August, most schools were unable to squeeze into their fall semester so the first productions are only just happening now.

The good news is that I found two schools which posted photos of their shows on Facebook. These schools took very different directions in their designs, but they did a such great job of capturing the playful, fun-loving mood of that decade that I decided to share photos from both.

 

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not authorized
to give you a second sample."

The first four photos come from Oak View Middle School in Andover, MN. I love the whole look of their set, from the jazzy, colorful Food Court sign to the chunky, cafeteria-style tables specially built for the show.

All in all, they kept it pretty simple. But still, looking at the set, you can tell exactly which decade the play is set in.

"Now, Blanche. You know we can't be stopping
every five minutes just so you can grab a snack."

The costumes were also a lot of fun. The custodian, Mr. Henry, appears appropriately authoritative in his orange safety vest, while Darla, with her bright red apron and rooster-inspired baseball cap, looks like she just stepped out of a cheesy 1980's fast food restaurant. And in the play, she did, a place called Rooster Ray's, which offered free samples of a brand new food item called "chicken chunks".

I especially loved the neon-colored tracksuits of Blanche and Evelyn, the middle-aged mall walkers. No danger here! You'd be able to them coming from a mile away.

The students, on the other hands, wore more timeless styles. From the nerds to the jocks to the mean-girl Glams, the clothes were largely indistinguishable, perhaps emphasizing the point that, underneath it all, these kids really aren't that different from each other.

"Are you crazy? What makes you
think she'd go with you?"

The last four photos come from Holy Cross School in South Bend, IN. Their set is much bigger, dominated a mostly gray backdrop that extends the entire width of the stage.

Here, the signs like Glendale Mall and Rooster Ray's are just paper cut-outs attached to that backdrop, but the set folks added a lot of additional details, like those geometric accents and an elaborately painted pillar that you can catch one small glimpse of along the right side of the bottom photo.

They also managed to snag some rickety, formica-topped tables for the students to eat at (perhaps borrowed from the school's own cafeteria?). And those molded plastic chairs look uncomfortable enough to belong in any 1980's food court.

"Elwood was right! You really are a jerk!"

As for the costumes, well, they went all out. Elwood and Fletcher, the two Dungeons-and-Dragons-loving nerds at the heart of the story, are outfitted in embarrassingly dorky clothes, while their friend (and potential love interest?) Stevie wore an only slightly less embarrassing sweater and skirt combination with knee socks.

The jocks, three football players exhibiting various degrees of obnoxiousness, wore real high school letter jackets. The Glams, meanwhile, were a plentitude of pink. In fact, these uber-popular girls loved the color so much that they insisted on bringing their own satiny pink tablecloth to the food court!

"Sorry, Amber, but you're forgetting Rule
Number One Hundred Twenty-Eight.
Don't share food with another Glam."

But my favorite touch had to be how they turned Elwood's uncle Wayne into a John Cusack-lookalike for the final scene of the play, in which this lovelorn shoe salesman tries to win back his ex by holding a boombox above his head.

No, it never made sense to me either.

"Oh, I know I've been a fool. I know I've
focused too much on the latest trends in
casual footwear and not enough on you."

If nothing else, these photos prove once again that there are an infinite number of ways to design any scene. All you need is a little creativity and a willingness to think outside the box.

Do you have photos from this or another show of mine that you'd like to share? If so, please email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Thank you!

Belmont Diary: My airport play premieres

"Believe me, there's nothing up there I can't handle."

After four months of writing, one month of editing, one month of waiting for rehearsals to start, and six months of the rehearsals themselves, my 40-character airport comedy Thirty Minutes Till Boarding finally got its world premiere last night at Belmont Day School in Belmont, MA.

"Just some young fly-boy, I reckon. Probably greener than a cornstalk in July."

Afterwards, director Chris Parsons told me that the show was "fantastic", the humor being a particular strength.

"What do you think I'm doing here? I'm bringing you the shoes you left behind!"

The biggest challenge? Managing such a huge cast! But Chris said the kids loved the experience and that the play was well-received. A big part of that, I think, is that the play has numerous interweaving storylines to keep the audience engaged.

"I don't have a fear of flying. I have a fear of crashing."

The characters come to the airport frazzled stressed out, and they only become more so as the flight gets delayed... and delayed... and then cancelled due to snow. But by the end of the play, all of the characters have made a connection--human as well as airline--and they leave in a much better place.

"Well, I just hope nobody recognizes me here."

Chris and his team went all out with the set, as you can see from the photos here. The entire story takes place at a single departure gate at Boston's Logan Airport so the set requirements are few. The script only calls for a gate counter, a gate sign, and a couple rows of seats. That dramatic backdrop of a jetliner taking off is definitely not needed but very, very cool.

"Sorry, Benjy. I didn't think we'd be waiting at the airport this long."

The costumes are also a joy to behold, especially those pilot and flight attendant uniforms. They really look authentic. As for the rest of the characters, I think it's awesome that I can pretty much tell who's who just from how they're dressed.

"The flight has been cancelled."

I just need to make one final pass through the script based on the feedback the Chris gave me. Then I'll be sending it off to Pioneer Drama Service. If it's anything like my other two huge cast plays, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, it should become an equally huge hit.

"Zzzzzzz..."

Route 66 comes to Route 66

Of all my plays, It Happened on Route 66 has the strongest sense of place. One of my goals in writing this 1950's comedy was to capture the ambience of the hundreds of small towns along the Mother Road, and of one very small town in particular--the unforgettable Winona, Arizona, where the play is set.

I wanted theatergoers to feel the dust in the air of that high desert town. I wanted them to hear the roar of the cars rushing just outside the diner. But most of all, I wanted to capture the hope that Route 66 held for so many people as they headed west toward what they believed was the Promised Land.

Which is why, once the play was published, I was excited to see where it would be produced. Would it be embraced by the bustling cities and those quaint small towns along its length? Would it find a home in theaters much further away? Would it get produced internationally at all?

I was pleasantly surprised. The play was a huge hit from day one, garnering 57 productions its first full year of publication. Nine of those productions were in Canada, one was in Australia, and one was in New Zealand. The rest of the productions were scattered all over the United States, from Vermont to California and Florida to Oregon (no Maine or Washington yet). But none of those productions were in a city or town along the Mother Road itself.

Until now. Ghost Light Youth Theatre, a branch of River Cities Community Theatre in Bullhead City, AZ, is performing the show tonight and tomorrow.

I've never been to Bullhead City--it's four hours away from my home in suburban Phoenix--but it always pops up on our statewide weather forecasts and I've always been fascinated by the name.

Turns out its history is just as fascinating.

The town of 43,000 is located on the Colorado River, directly across from the famous gambling town of Laughlin, Nevada. It was first known as Hardyville, being founded in 1864 as a steamboat landing for the gold, silver, and copper mines in the area.

After silver prices declined in the 1890's, it became a bona fide ghost town, only to be resurrected with its current name in 1942 when it became the base for construction of Davis Dam. Ironically, the highway predated the rebirth of the town as the Arizona section of Route 66 was completed in 1926. 

Yes, you can still drive (or get down on your hands and knees and kiss, if that's your thing) the original asphalt of Route 66 through Bullhead City. In fact, the best-preserved section of the entire highway is the 73-mile long section from Kingman to Seligman just east of Bullhead City.

And where did that crazy name come from? From Bullshead Rock, a prominent rock formation that was almost entirely submerged by the lake formed by the dam (take that, rock!).

Unfortunately, I can't find any history on the theater company itself, but judging from its Facebook account, it appears to be a healthy, vibrant group that has already been around for quite a few years. 

My ultimate dream for this play, of course, would be to have it performed in Winona. But seeing as Winona is an unincorporated village without a school let alone a theater company, that seems highly unlikely.

So what do you say, Flagstaff? You're the nearest city to the setting of the play. How would you like to be the next Route 66 town to produce it?