Don't Rock the Boat! gets a premiere

It was a real race to the wire to see who would get to premiere my 1930's romantic comedy Don't Rock the Boat! After the script was rejected by Pioneer Drama Service in March, I emailed it to five theatre companies that I've worked with in the past to see if any of them would be interesting in producing it and I got an enthusiastic yes from two of them.

Adrian McCracken at Hillcrest High School in Idaho, who had produced my 1940's farce The Last Radio Show in 2024, was the first to respond so I gave the honors to him. But Trey Jackson at Caddo Parish Middle Magnet School in Louisiana, who had premiered my one-act mystery A Fine-Feathered Murder, is still excited to do it, even if the school won't get a world premiere credit in the script.

If that wasn't enough, I also received an email about the play from a high school director in Nebraska who came across the synopsis somewhere. It turns out she wanted to perform a slimmed-down version of the play for competition. Unfortunately, she needed it by November 3, and I told her that would be impossible as Hillcrest has exclusive rights through November 10, when they plan to perform it.

Anyway, Adrian's school was the one I visited back in 2024 and I had a fantastic time there. He's currently looking into having me visit again, but even if that doesn't work out, I'm still excited to work with him because he intends to include me in every detail during the run-up to the show, from creating the promotional materials to developing the script.

My eventual plans are to submit it to Heuer Publishing. So far, they and their sister company have agreed to publish five of the six scripts that were turned down by Pioneer, so I have high hopes for this one. But first I want to make this script the very best it can be.

In the meantime, Don't Rock the Boat! is available for licensing directly from me (as long as you perform it after November 10, of course). The play has a cast of 18 (4M, 10F, 4E), uses a single set, and runs about 90 minutes.

To whet your appetite for it, let me leave you an except from my favorite scene. Why is it my favorite? Well, as a movie buff, I find a lot of inspiration for my plays in classic films.

Don't Rock the Boat! was inspired by the screwball comedies of the 1930's like It Happened One Night and The Lady Eve, and I'm particularly proud of this scene because I think it really captured the witty, rapid-fire dialogue of those films.

In the play, Margie is a down-on-her-luck pickpocket who plies her "trade" along the docks of Liverpool. To escape the cops, she poses as the princess whose purse she stole and uses that woman's tickets to board a luxurious ocean liner headed to New York.

Once on board, however, she can't help herself and ends up stealing the priceless necklace belonging to a matronly passenger. Grant is the detective investigating the theft who just so happens to have fallen in love with Margie--or at least the princess he thinks Margie is.

LIGHTS UP: Promenade deck, Saturday evening. MAISIE plays shuffleboard by herself, half-heartedly sliding the disks across the court. A spare cue leans against the back wall. GRANT ENTERS LEFT.

MAISIE:  (Posh accent.) Well! For a moment there, I didn't think you were coming.

GRANT:  Oh, I had to come, if only to prevent you from getting an extra practice session in.

MAISIE:  I don't need the practice. I can beat you with both hands tied behind my back.

GRANT:  Now that would be an interesting game. (Grabs the spare cue.) Go ahead. I'll let you play first. 

MAISIE:  Why? Because I'm a woman?

GRANT:  No. because in this game its better to go last. If you really are as good as you say, then you won't mind the additional challenge.

MAISIE:  Touché. (Shoots.) Well, Mr. Detective. See if you can beat that. (Lost in thought, GRANT stares into space.) Hello? Grant?

GRANT:  Huh?

MAISIE:  It's your shot.

GRANT:  Sorry. (Lines up his shot.)

MAISIE: You seem terribly distracted. Is something wrong?

GRANT:  Oh, it's just this case I'm working on. You know, Mrs. Harrington's stolen necklace? (Shoots.) It's got me stumped.

MAISIE:  Do you have any suspects?

GRANT:  No, not yet. It took me all day just to interview everyone.

MAISIE:  You interviewed everyone?

GRANT:  Yep. At least everyone who was at the scene of the crime.

MAISIE:  You never interviewed me.

GRANT:  Oh, well, you're the only one I know didn't do it.

MAISIE:  How can you be so sure?

GRANT:  Oh, please. A princess who doubles as a jewel thief? Don't be ridiculous! (MAISIE shoots.) Say, you really are pretty good. Would you like to make a bet on the game?

MAISIE:  I don't like to lose... money.

GRANT:  Aha! So you're admitting I might beat you.

MAISIE:  To be honest, I was just bluffing. I've never actually played before.

GRANT:  Well, remember. Anything worth having is worth a little risk.

MAISIE:  That's funny. Someone I know says the exact same thing.

GRANT:  Must be a very wise person.

MAISIE:  No. Not always.

Want to read more? A free electronic perusal copy of the script is just an email away. You can contact me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Thank you!

Wyoming Bookshop showcases the magic of stories

Casper Children's Theatre of Casper, Wyoming, is a busy, busy place, with three age groups working on shows simultaneously and a production calendar that never lets up, not even for summer.

Tonight they open a three-day run of The Enchanted Bookshop, and it promises to be a hit. At least, if you believe this writeup of the show by Nick Perkins in the Oil City News.

Executive director Audrey Egan said she chose the play for two reasons. The first is that it has "a lot of really fun characters". Because they're an educational theatre, they seek out shows that offer their students a wide variety of ages, accents, and personalities to play.

The second reason is just as important. "[I]n our ever increasingly digital age," Egan goes on, "we thought that showcasing the magic of books and the magic of stories and the magic of theater was kind of a cool element..."

As it turns out, many of the students had no idea who some of the characters were. And I guess that makes sense. When I was a kid, many of the characters--Tom Sawyer, Robin Hood, Heidi--were featured in popular movies. But nowadays, Hollywood would rather base their features on comic books and video games than books. 

In any case, the kids came up to speed on their characters quickly. Now Egan can't wait for audiences to see the show.

"They'll be able to spend time as a family, see the magic of theater and maybe even see the sparkle and the comfort of reading and of literature."

Break legs, all! And make sure to sprinkle that magic on everyone who comes!

My 15th year sales

When I decided to become a full-time writer two years ago, I'd hoped that the huge boost in writing time (from 1 1/2 hours a day to 4 hours a day) would pay off just as hugely in my royalties. Unfortunately, that didn't happen last year, when my royalties were up only 6% over the previous year.

Well, I'm happy to report that this year I finally saw the boost I've been waiting for. My royalties were up a whopping 35% while my productions were up the same percentage--from 451 to 608. I'm now making about 60% of my annual income from writing, and if I can somehow replicate that growth in each of the next two years, I'll be able to live solely on my royalties (and maybe take that trip to Europe!). 

Part of that boost came from having more plays published, of course. Last year at this time, I had 31 plays in print. Now I've got 35.

But more importantly, most of my older plays showed very little dropoff in the number of productions they received. Some even saw a small bump. And it was the best year ever for The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Lights! Camera! Murder!, both of which have been out for seven years

This year, my plays have also appeared in four new countries, making for a total of 28 countries.

Now that we've dealt with that, let's jump into...

The top five

1) The Enchanted Bookshop--122 productions

Normally a play will peak in its first full year of publication, with its popularity waning in the subsequent years until it flattens out at a level about a half to a quarter of that.

Well, there's been very little waning for this incredibly popular play. After a record-setting 156 productions in the 2018-2019 season, The Enchanted Bookshop has snagged at least 100 productions each year since then (except for the two COVID years, of course). And the 122 productions it got this year is the second-best showing it's ever had. 

But that's not all. This year, The Enchanted Bookshop got me my 25th country when it was performed at a secondary school in Cyprus. And did I mention that it remains Pioneer's top-selling full-length play?

2) Bringing Down the House--68 productions

This extra-large comedy continues to surprise me. Last year, it managed to debut at number three on this list, garnering an impressive 36 productions in its first nine months of publication.

This year, it managed to snatch the number two spot. The 68 productions it got is more than any of my plays not titled The Enchanted Bookshop have ever gotten. And that's good enough to make Bringing Down the House Pioneer's fifth best-selling full-length play.

Reports from schools and theater companies confirm that it really does bring down the house wherever it plays. And one of those places was Maui OnStage in beautiful Wailuku, Hawaii, where it became my first staged production in the Aloha State (my only other Hawaiian credit was a COVID-era production of my virtual comedy You're Virtually Driving Me Crazy!). Aloha, indeed!

3) Freaky Tiki--62 productions

They say music is the universal language, but this play convinces me that farce is just as universal. In its first full year of production, this Hawaii-set comedy was performed in Japan (my 26th country), Portugal (my 27th country), Indonesia, and Canada.

I never expected this one to do so well, but maybe I should have. After all, it's another over-the-top comedy in the spirit of Million Dollar Meatballs and It's a Madhouse!, two plays which have done extremely well for me over the years.

But this one goes even more over the top than those, featuring an opera singer forced to communicate by clown horn, a tiki figure that magically disappears and reappears, and a chase scene involving a hot-headed French chef and a human-sized lobster. You might even learn a little Hawaiian from it.

4) The Worst Fairy Tale Ever--48 productions

Last year, I had a hunch that this one-act comedy--my first in ten years--was going to be big. Just a few weeks after it was published, more than one drama teacher (okay, two) wrote to tell me how excited their kids were to produce it.

Well, that excitement continued throughout the year, allowing The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to debut at number four on this list.

Of course, it helps that this is by far my easiest play to produce. It has a cast of just eight, no set except for a single stage cube, and no costumes other than an assortment of hats, making it perfect for cash-strapped schools and theaters.

It was inspired by the madcap comedies of London-based Mischief Theatre, including the megahits The Play That Goes Wrong and Peter Pan Goes Wrong. I even wanted to call it The Fairy Tale That Goes Wrong, but that idea was quickly squashed by my lawsuit-adverse publisher. Now, with the success of this play, I'm thing about launching my own series of everything-that-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong comedies. The Worst Murder Mystery Ever anyone?

5) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and Too Many Ghosts--33 productions

For the first time ever, I have a tie in my top five list, this time between the musical version of The Enchanted Bookshop and my haunted house comedy.

I don't know why the musical popped up this year, but I'll take it. Especially since the show got me my 28th country with a youth theatre production in Trinidad and Tobago.

As for Too Many Ghosts, I couldn't be more thrilled. I love this play. Like really, really love it.

One reason is that it's my most cinematic play. Not only is it highly visual (some of the photos I've seen of the ghost effects have blown me away), but the script is plotted like a big-budget movie. If I hadn't failed so miserably trying to break into Hollywood several years ago, I'd be tempted to adapt it into a screenplay.

The other reason is that it includes a subplot unlike anything else I've written. I don't want to give it away here--you really owe it to yourself to read the script--but it's quite sad, and I hope that the play draws a few tears as well as laughs.

Feeling grateful

So, yeah, it's been a fantastic year, and I owe it all to you, the drama teachers and theatre directors who've produced my plays over the last twelve months. I can't thank you enough. But I'm definitely going to try. And what better way than with a great big colorful...

Mouse in the House is now available!

My 31st play with Pioneer Drama Service (and 35th play overall) has just been released! It's titled Mouse in the House, and if you love my crazy, over-the-top farces like It's a Madhouse! or Freaky Tiki, then you'll definitely want to check out this one! 

Rodent trouble

Mouse in the House is a full-length comedy about Jeff and Quinn, a young couple who see a mouse in the Victorian home they're selling just moments before their open house is set to begin. Their hard-driving realtor Moira has the solution. Call an exterminator--and fast!

But kindhearted Quinn puts her foot down, insisting that no traps, cats, or poisons be used. And so, unbeknownst to the others, each of the three calls an exterminator specializing in "humane" methods that include everything from kazoos to Viking weapons (after all, Quinn never said anything about swords and war hammers!).

The result? Pure havoc as the exterminators prove better at chasing off the potential buyers than the mouse!

Mouse in the House has a cast of 33, although with doubling you can perform it with as few as 18 actors. The play uses only a single living room set and runs about 70 minutes.

If you'd like to know which Netflix original series inspired Mouse in the House, check out my earlier post about the play here (you might be surprised!). If you prefer to read a sample from the script or review the ordering information, simply bop on over to the Pioneer website by clicking here.

The perfect town

I've posted about how lately I've been setting in my plays in oddly specific locales. Well, I continue this pattern with Mouse in the House, which I've set in Wabasha, Minnesota.

Why Wabasha? Bear with me. There are actually several parts to that answer.

The process of choosing the location started with one of the exterminators that were called. They're intended to be a legitimate exterminating company with the unlikely name of Sheldon's Touchy Feely Pest Control. The thing is that the exterminators happen to be avid Viking reenactors as well, which explains why they arrive with those nasty Norse weapons in hand.

Vikings? Yeah, that meant that the play had to take place in the great (and painfully frigid) state of Minnesota.

But which city? Well, as I said, the story takes place in an old Victorian. The home means a lot to Quinn--she grew up there, after all--and I felt it would seem even more meaningful if it had some history and some elegance to it.

When I Googled a list of Minnesota cities noted for their Victorian homes, the first one that popped up was St. Paul. Well, that city is just too big. I wanted to set the story in a charming little town.

The next few places on the list held more promise: Stillwater, Minnetonka, Rochester. I suppose any of those would do. But I also wanted the town to be quiet. Very quiet. One of the couples looking to buy the house got themselves into a horribly noisy situation with their current home (think planes, trains, and golf balls) so they're desperate to find a place that's way more peaceful and relaxed.

So my next step was to Google the quietest town in the Gopher State, and I was pleased that the answer was a place with a very musical, very Minnesota-sounding name: Wabasha. This picturesque town of 2500 flannel-wearing souls on the Mississippi River turned out to be perfect. The nearest airport is 40 miles away, there's not much train activity (other than the Holiday Train I refer to in the script), and golf courses are minimal.

It wasn't until later that I learned that the town was also the setting for Grumpy Old Men, the 1993 comedy starring Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. Which makes me very happy. Mouse in the House may not have an all-out brawl on the ice. But it's got plenty of grumpy characters.

I just hope it makes people laugh as much as that beloved film.

Mall Madness comes to life

In the 1980's, the mall was the one place where
all the cool (and not-so-cool) kids hung out.

Long-time followers of this blog know that I like to post the first production photos I find for each new play of mine. I do this for a couple of reasons. 

One is to promote the play. My hope is that these photos will help you theater directors and drama teachers out there to get a sense of the play: what it's about, the tone, how difficult it might be to produce.

The other is to provide a little inspiration. If you do decide to produce the play, the sets and costumes in these photos might give you some ideas for your own production. At the very least, they'll get you thinking.

 

"Oh, for heaven's sakes! Popcorn again!
Why can't it ever be something easy
like a doughnut or a quesadilla?"

Today I'm sharing photos from my 1980's high school comedy, Mall Madness. This is not actually my newest play. That honor belongs to A Fine-Feathered Murder, which was released in November. But since Mall Madness came out in August, most schools were unable to squeeze into their fall semester so the first productions are only just happening now.

The good news is that I found two schools which posted photos of their shows on Facebook. These schools took very different directions in their designs, but they did a such great job of capturing the playful, fun-loving mood of that decade that I decided to share photos from both.

 

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not authorized
to give you a second sample."

The first four photos come from Oak View Middle School in Andover, MN. I love the whole look of their set, from the jazzy, colorful Food Court sign to the chunky, cafeteria-style tables specially built for the show.

All in all, they kept it pretty simple. But still, looking at the set, you can tell exactly which decade the play is set in.

"Now, Blanche. You know we can't be stopping
every five minutes just so you can grab a snack."

The costumes were also a lot of fun. The custodian, Mr. Henry, appears appropriately authoritative in his orange safety vest, while Darla, with her bright red apron and rooster-inspired baseball cap, looks like she just stepped out of a cheesy 1980's fast food restaurant. And in the play, she did, a place called Rooster Ray's, which offered free samples of a brand new food item called "chicken chunks".

I especially loved the neon-colored tracksuits of Blanche and Evelyn, the middle-aged mall walkers. No danger here! You'd be able to them coming from a mile away.

The students, on the other hands, wore more timeless styles. From the nerds to the jocks to the mean-girl Glams, the clothes were largely indistinguishable, perhaps emphasizing the point that, underneath it all, these kids really aren't that different from each other.

"Are you crazy? What makes you
think she'd go with you?"

The last four photos come from Holy Cross School in South Bend, IN. Their set is much bigger, dominated a mostly gray backdrop that extends the entire width of the stage.

Here, the signs like Glendale Mall and Rooster Ray's are just paper cut-outs attached to that backdrop, but the set folks added a lot of additional details, like those geometric accents and an elaborately painted pillar that you can catch one small glimpse of along the right side of the bottom photo.

They also managed to snag some rickety, formica-topped tables for the students to eat at (perhaps borrowed from the school's own cafeteria?). And those molded plastic chairs look uncomfortable enough to belong in any 1980's food court.

"Elwood was right! You really are a jerk!"

As for the costumes, well, they went all out. Elwood and Fletcher, the two Dungeons-and-Dragons-loving nerds at the heart of the story, are outfitted in embarrassingly dorky clothes, while their friend (and potential love interest?) Stevie wore an only slightly less embarrassing sweater and skirt combination with knee socks.

The jocks, three football players exhibiting various degrees of obnoxiousness, wore real high school letter jackets. The Glams, meanwhile, were a plentitude of pink. In fact, these uber-popular girls loved the color so much that they insisted on bringing their own satiny pink tablecloth to the food court!

"Sorry, Amber, but you're forgetting Rule
Number One Hundred Twenty-Eight.
Don't share food with another Glam."

But my favorite touch had to be how they turned Elwood's uncle Wayne into a John Cusack-lookalike for the final scene of the play, in which this lovelorn shoe salesman tries to win back his ex by holding a boombox above his head.

No, it never made sense to me either.

"Oh, I know I've been a fool. I know I've
focused too much on the latest trends in
casual footwear and not enough on you."

If nothing else, these photos prove once again that there are an infinite number of ways to design any scene. All you need is a little creativity and a willingness to think outside the box.

Do you have photos from this or another show of mine that you'd like to share? If so, please email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Thank you!

Belmont Diary: My airport play premieres

"Believe me, there's nothing up there I can't handle."

After four months of writing, one month of editing, one month of waiting for rehearsals to start, and six months of the rehearsals themselves, my 40-character airport comedy Thirty Minutes Till Boarding finally got its world premiere last night at Belmont Day School in Belmont, MA.

"Just some young fly-boy, I reckon. Probably greener than a cornstalk in July."

Afterwards, director Chris Parsons told me that the show was "fantastic", the humor being a particular strength.

"What do you think I'm doing here? I'm bringing you the shoes you left behind!"

The biggest challenge? Managing such a huge cast! But Chris said the kids loved the experience and that the play was well-received. A big part of that, I think, is that the play has numerous interweaving storylines to keep the audience engaged.

"I don't have a fear of flying. I have a fear of crashing."

The characters come to the airport frazzled stressed out, and they only become more so as the flight gets delayed... and delayed... and then cancelled due to snow. But by the end of the play, all of the characters have made a connection--human as well as airline--and they leave in a much better place.

"Well, I just hope nobody recognizes me here."

Chris and his team went all out with the set, as you can see from the photos here. The entire story takes place at a single departure gate at Boston's Logan Airport so the set requirements are few. The script only calls for a gate counter, a gate sign, and a couple rows of seats. That dramatic backdrop of a jetliner taking off is definitely not needed but very, very cool.

"Sorry, Benjy. I didn't think we'd be waiting at the airport this long."

The costumes are also a joy to behold, especially those pilot and flight attendant uniforms. They really look authentic. As for the rest of the characters, I think it's awesome that I can pretty much tell who's who just from how they're dressed.

"The flight has been cancelled."

I just need to make one final pass through the script based on the feedback the Chris gave me. Then I'll be sending it off to Pioneer Drama Service. If it's anything like my other two huge cast plays, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, it should become an equally huge hit.

"Zzzzzzz..."

Route 66 comes to Route 66

Of all my plays, It Happened on Route 66 has the strongest sense of place. One of my goals in writing this 1950's comedy was to capture the ambience of the hundreds of small towns along the Mother Road, and of one very small town in particular--the unforgettable Winona, Arizona, where the play is set.

I wanted theatergoers to feel the dust in the air of that high desert town. I wanted them to hear the roar of the cars rushing just outside the diner. But most of all, I wanted to capture the hope that Route 66 held for so many people as they headed west toward what they believed was the Promised Land.

Which is why, once the play was published, I was excited to see where it would be produced. Would it be embraced by the bustling cities and those quaint small towns along its length? Would it find a home in theaters much further away? Would it get produced internationally at all?

I was pleasantly surprised. The play was a huge hit from day one, garnering 57 productions its first full year of publication. Nine of those productions were in Canada, one was in Australia, and one was in New Zealand. The rest of the productions were scattered all over the United States, from Vermont to California and Florida to Oregon (no Maine or Washington yet). But none of those productions were in a city or town along the Mother Road itself.

Until now. Ghost Light Youth Theatre, a branch of River Cities Community Theatre in Bullhead City, AZ, is performing the show tonight and tomorrow.

I've never been to Bullhead City--it's four hours away from my home in suburban Phoenix--but it always pops up on our statewide weather forecasts and I've always been fascinated by the name.

Turns out its history is just as fascinating.

The town of 43,000 is located on the Colorado River, directly across from the famous gambling town of Laughlin, Nevada. It was first known as Hardyville, being founded in 1864 as a steamboat landing for the gold, silver, and copper mines in the area.

After silver prices declined in the 1890's, it became a bona fide ghost town, only to be resurrected with its current name in 1942 when it became the base for construction of Davis Dam. Ironically, the highway predated the rebirth of the town as the Arizona section of Route 66 was completed in 1926. 

Yes, you can still drive (or get down on your hands and knees and kiss, if that's your thing) the original asphalt of Route 66 through Bullhead City. In fact, the best-preserved section of the entire highway is the 73-mile long section from Kingman to Seligman just east of Bullhead City.

And where did that crazy name come from? From Bullshead Rock, a prominent rock formation that was almost entirely submerged by the lake formed by the dam (take that, rock!).

Unfortunately, I can't find any history on the theater company itself, but judging from its Facebook account, it appears to be a healthy, vibrant group that has already been around for quite a few years. 

My ultimate dream for this play, of course, would be to have it performed in Winona. But seeing as Winona is an unincorporated village without a school let alone a theater company, that seems highly unlikely.

So what do you say, Flagstaff? You're the nearest city to the setting of the play. How would you like to be the next Route 66 town to produce it?