Mall Madness is now available!

Just in time for the new school year, Pioneer Drama Service has released my 29th play with them (and 33rd overall). Set in the 1980's, Mall Madness is a lighthearted romp through all those great fads of that wonderful decade: Rubik's cubes, Dungeons and Dragons, Sony Walkmans (Walkmen?), Swatch watches, boomboxes, and, of course, Air Jordans.

To read a script sample or review ordering info, visit the play's web page here.

It's a Mall World After All

Most of my early plays were set in fairly generic settings: an Old West town, a French restaurant, a mythical kingdom. But I've been having fun lately placing my plays in oddly specific locales.

It Happened on Route 66 is set at an actual 1950's diner in Winona, Arizona, which I made a point of visiting last year and discovered it to be very different that the diner I'd imagined when I was writing the play.

Thirty Minutes Till Boarding, a play I'm currently developing with Belmont Day School in Massachusetts, takes place at gate E7 of Boston's Logan Airport. 

And while the abandoned theater of Bringing Down the House is completely made-up, I placed it on a very specific street in Lower Manhattan for one very good reason.

Mall Madness is no different. I could have set it in any 1980's mall. But I decided to plop it down right in the middle of the Glendale Galleria in the San Fernando Valley of California. Why? Well, I wanted the laid-back, Southern California vibe that the characters in movies like Say Anything and Fast Times at Ridgemont High had. I also found that there are a ton of videos and photos of the place online, which inspired my own writing.

The Glendale Galleria also has a fascinating history in itself. It was the home of the very first Disney Store. The home of the very first Panda Express. It appeared in a number of 1980's movies, including Miracle Mile and Valley Girl. And Billie Eilish recorded her music video for her 2021 single "Therefore I Am" in the empty, after-hour corridors of the mall.

Of course, I don't expect directors to make their set a carbon copy of the Glendale Galleria. That would be insane. But I think that having something to look at will inspire them in their own work. They may end up going in a completely different direction. But at least they'll have a starting point.

Those Golden Treasures

One more thing about the play. Mall Madness is one of my few plays that features a full, minute-long monologue.

I know, I know. I should write more monologues as a way to introduce directors and actors to my plays through the audition circuit. And I've tried. I've really tried.

The thing is that my characters absolutely refuse to talk that long. They like to get to the point, their dialog taking a rat-a-tat rhythm that keeps things moving.

Well, that all changed when Darla, a teenage employee of Rooster Ray's, America's Poultry Palace, took the stage in Mall Madness. Her job was to hand out samples of the latest high tech food product: chicken nuggets. And she took that job way too seriously:

I understand, ma'am, but I'm not allowed to give you any more. My manager was very clear about that during my training. Why, I remember it as if it were yesterday. Come to think of it, it was yesterday. "Darla," he said. "Do you see this chunk of chicken in my hand? Well, this is no ordinary chunk of chicken. Oh, no! This chunk of chicken is going to change the world! For too long, mothers have suffered the backbreaking burden of roasting entire chickens in their ovens. For too long, their husbands and children have grappled with scrawny drumsticks and unwieldy wings at the dinner table. But today we are on the verge of a new dawn. Today the chicken chunk has eliminated those hassles forever by offering a source of protein that is not only easy to cook but delicious to eat as well. Which i why we must treat them as the golden treasures they are. No not hand them out willy-nilly. They are much too precious for that. No, our corporate rule--and it is an ironclad one--is that you are to distribute only one sample per customer. Not three. Not two. Not one and a half. Just one. One chicken chunk, now and forevermore.

Summing it up 

Mall Madness is a big, fun comedy jam-packed with crazy characters like Darla. But it's not all yuks. There's also a heartwarming message about teenage relationships and figuring out who your real friends are. And, of course, there's a ton of cultural references that will make any child of the 80's smile.

I think you're really going to love it.

You can check it out here.

UPDATE: Mall Madness booked its first production on August 27, just 6 days after it was released. That's a new record for me. Thank you, Mascoutah Middle School of Mascoutah, IL!

I'm thinking it's going to be very popular.

Belmont diary: Start the engines

I've completed the first draft of my airport comedy. It's titled Thirty Minutes Till Boarding. And it's a monster.

104 pages. 40 characters. One high-energy dance number that can boost the cast size to 50 or more. And lots and lots of luggage.

It's my biggest play to date. But that's not the only reason it was such a bear to write. It's also the first play I've written that has multiple storylines.

A new journey

My other huge-cast plays, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, only had one storyline. Five or six characters drove the plot while the rest of the characters interacted in some way with the main ones in order to advance the plot.

There's one big advantage to doing it this way. It makes it very easy to follow the Hero's Journey template. After only, I only had to create one journey.

Thirty Minutes Till Boarding, on the other hand, has multiple storylines. Fourteen, to be exact.

Some of the storylines have two characters. Some have three or four. The biggest one has six. But all of the characters are the heroes of their own story.

Writing it this way was fun but also extremely challenging. The biggest challenge was just coming up with all those different stories.

But there was one other big challenge. To keep the play under two hours, each storyline had to be very short, no more than ten minutes. How could I make those stories satisfying, with a complete narrative arc for each character, in just a few minutes?

There was only one answer. I had to use a simplified version of the Hero's Journey.

Six steps to story

Instead of the the 15 beats of Save the Cat!, which I usually use for my plays, or the 12 beats of The Writer's Journey, which many screenplays use, I settled on six that each of these stories had to have:

1) Status Quo--We meet the characters, find out what makes them tick, and discover what their goals are (a lot to cover in just a page or two).

2) Catalyst--An external event prevents the characters from achieving that goal.

3) Turning Point--A new complication raises the stakes for the characters.

4) All is Lost--The character seems to fail in their mission, usually because they're approaching the goal in the wrong way.

5) Final Victory--With a different approach and a newly reenergized effort, the characters finally succeed in achieving their goals.

6) Reward--We get a glimpse of the new normal, which shows us how the characters have been changed by their journey (usually, but not always, for the better).

I'm really happy with how the play turned out. I think it's really funny and really heartwarming, maybe my most heartwarming play to date.

It's also makes a great ensemble piece. No character has more than 63 lines, and 3/4 of the characters have at least 20 lines.

That magic number

One last thing. As I said, this is my biggest play, both in length and cast size. It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House both ended up with 38 characters. That seems to be a magic number for me because my first draft of Thirty Minutes Till Boarding also had 38 characters.

But Belmont Day School really wanted 40 characters. I'd have to add two. What would their story be? 

Well, that's where the old axiom "write what you know" came into play.

I thought back to my own experiences flying commercial and I remembered the time a middle-aged lady squeezed into the seat next to me, her hands clutching something wrapped in foil. She sat there with it on her lap, admiring it, the whole time we were waiting for the plane to takeoff. 

Finally, it's twenty minutes later, we're in the air and she unwraps this thing. It's a chili dog. Like a loaded with everything chili dog. Ketchup. Mustard. Relish. And, of course, a lots and lots of onions.

She could have eaten it in the restaurant. She could have eaten it at the gate. But no. She carried it onto the plane so that all 150 passengers could appreciate this stink bomb.

I had my storyline. All I needed to do was move it into the airport, add a couple of brothers, give them a reason for traveling, and it was a go.

Scene: A crime against humanity

Here's the first scene of that storyline:

NEIL and VERN ENTER RIGHT, carrying backpacks. VERN holds a chili dog wrapped in foil.

NEIL: I'm telling you, Vern. This trip to Italy is going to make us rich!

VERN: I sure hope so, Neil.

NEIL: Are you doubting me? Don't be doubting me, bro. You know I've always been the smart one.

VERN: I'm not doubting you. It's just that, well, I guess I'm a little confused about the plan.

NEIL: (Sighs.) All right. I'll go over it one more time, but only because you're my little brother and I know you tend to forget things.

VERN: Thanks, Neil.

NEIL and VERN sit.

NEIL: Now listen. It's really very simple. Step one: We buy an abandoned house in the village of Sambuca for one measly euro. Step two: We renovate the house. Step three: We sell the house for a whole lot more than one euro. Bing bang boom!

VERN: Sounds like a lot of work.

NEIL: Well, sure, it's a lot of work, but that's why we make such a good team, right? You do all the physical labor and I take care of the brainy stuff.

VERN: What brainy stuff?

NEIL: Well, you know. Drawing up plans. Getting permits. Those are just as hard as laying brick or putting up drywall. (Sees the foil.) Wait a minute. What's in that foil?

VERN: A chili dog. I haven't eaten since breakfast, you know.

NEIL: You're bringing a chili dog on the plane?

VERN: Yeah.

NEIL: A casing-wrapped tube of heavily processed meat and meat byproducts, smothered in some overly seasoned bean slop, and topped off with tear-inducing onions?

VERN: Oh, yeah!

NEIL: You can't eat that on the plane!

VERN: Why not?

NEIL: Because it's a crime against humanity, that's why! As soon as you open that foil, the vile stench will fill the cabin and the other passengers will be forced to inhale those toxic fumes for the rest of the flight!

VERN: I could eat it now.

NEIL: Do you really think I want to smell that foul concoction on your breath for the next eight hours? No! Throw it away or I'm going to be sick!

VERN: Yes, Neil.

VERN EXITS RIGHT with the chili dog.

NEIL: (To himself.) He's lucky he's got me to watch out for him.

 

What comes next 

I emailed the play to Belmont Day School today, which feels like starting the engines on a jetliner. The play is fully boarded, but it's not ready for takeoff just yet. 

That won't happen until October, when we finally nail down the script and the school starts rehearsing for their March performance.

But for now, we've got a story--oops! make that twelve stories--that are just begging to come to life.

I can't wait to dig in.

Tulsa Stinky Feet Gang makes scents

This weekend and next, Spotlight Children's Theatre in Tulsa will be performing my wild west comedy The Stinky Feet Gang, their sixth production of one of my plays. And as with the previous five, three members of the cast appeared on local TV to chat it up. You can watch the spot here.

The young thespians also used the time to promote Storytime at the Spotlight, a free public event organized by the theater in partnership with Gardner's Used Books and the Tulsa City County Library. There will be silly stories, songs, and, in an apparent tie-in with the play, some stinky adventures.

Best of all, each child who attends the event will receive a free book. I mean seriously, what could be better than that? (Probably not the stinky adventures.)

Both the story time and the play will be held at Spotlight's historic Art Deco theater, which has to be one of the coolest-looking buildings that my plays have ever been performed in. The story time is on August 1. The play runs August 1-3 and 8-10.

Break legs, all! I'm sure you'll come out smelling like a rose.

Belmont Diary: A comedy for the birds

Most of my plays are a grind to write. Some go a little easier. And then there are those rare birds that just flow out of me from day one.

My newest play, A Fine-Feathered Murder, falls firmly in that last camp.

When Belmont Day School commissioned me to write it, they wanted a play with eight characters that were over the top but had interesting arcs. Not exactly the easiest of requirements. But a challenge I eagerly accepted.

It was a different challenge that worried me. The tone.

Mystery-comedies are mysteries first, comedies second, and before you write one word of dialogue or invent a single character, you've got to answer one very important question: what's the crime at the heart of the story?

Of course, murder is the go-to for the vast majority of mysteries, whether on page, stage, or screen, and that's because it carries the stakes that a good story needs.

But you've got to be careful. Make it too silly, and the story will lack tension. Make it too serious, and the comedy will suffer.

With The Butler Did It!, I managed to balance the crime and the comedy pretty well. The play has received rave reviews around the country and continues to get a healthy number of productions today, twelve years after it was first published.

But I think I veered too grim with Lights! Camera! Murder!, which would explain why Pioneer chose not to publish it and why it has struggled to find productions with Brooklyn Publishers.

So with this new play, I decided to err on the light side. I asked myself: What if it didn't involve the murder of a person but a parrot? And what if it wasn't just any parrot but one that could sing the entire score of Verdi's opera Rigoletto from start to finish?

Boom. The tap opened wide, and the eight very British characters who would people the play almost immediately popped into my head:

Lilith, the snobby owner of the parrot, who can't understand why only two invitees have come to the music recital she's organized.

Reginald, her long-suffering husband who thinks the whole idea of a recital for a parrot is silly.

Daphne, their Elvis-loving, opera-hating teenage daughter.

Fiona, the cheeky maid who's quick with a riposte while feeding the parrot plain old crackers on the sly.

Ashton, the pompous opera impresario who's convinced she'll become rich if only she can persuade Lilith to take the parrot on tour.

Dr. Snively, a creepy ornithologist who longs to get his hands on the bird for more "scientific" purposes.

Mrs. Willoughby, the elderly neighbor who never quite knows where she is.

Teddy, the bumbling village constable who's thrilled to finally have a murder case to investigate.

As I said, the writing went really well--it was almost fun!--and I finished it in about four weeks.

The school will only be using the script for in-class instruction, so once they provide their feedback on the script, I'll give it one more pass, then submit it for publication,

In the meantime, the world premiere is up for grabs. If you think you'd like to produce the play, email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com and I'll send you a free perusal copy of the script. As with my other one-act commission, The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, I believe this play is perfect for competition, a student-directed production, and an evening of one-acts. 

And no, I did not recycle any of these brilliantly funny gags from that dead parrot sketch.

But I was tempted to.

Belmont Diary: It's a mystery to me

I love writing on commission. It gives me a deadline. The collaborative atmosphere helps me focus my writing. The money's nice. And it guarantees that the play will meet an unfulfilled need in the market.

In fact, my first two commissions, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, were snapped up for publication by Pioneer Drama Service and have turned out to be way more successful than even I had imagined (I'm still waiting on the results from newly-published commission #3).

So yeah, commissions are the bomb. But there's something even better than a commission. And that's two commissions.

Today, I was deep into the third pass of another commission for Belmont Day School (#4 for those keeping score at home) when the theater arts teacher there offered me a fifth commission. I immediately said yes.

I mean, it should be a quick write. Like The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, which they commissioned from me last summer, it'll be a one-act comedy with minimal set and costume requirements and a cast of eight. The difference? This time it'll be a mystery.

Mysteries are a blast to write. Three of my first four plays were mysteries (The _urloined Letter, The Butler Did It!, and Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye). Then I stopped for several years while I played around with other genres. But I always missed the form and I finally came back to it four years ago for It's a Madhouse! Now I'm eager to jump back into those deep, murky waters.

I don't have any story ideas. I'm going to have to do some brainstorming for that. But the school made it very clear they don't want the play to have the same meta, bumbling-cast concept as The Worst Fairy Tale Ever (or The Play That Goes Wrong, which inspired it).

Which is fine with me. I'm excited to do something totally fresh.

Oh, one more thing. Like The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, this play is being commissioned for in-class use only. This means that Belmont Day School will not be producing the play. And this means that the world premiere is up for grabs. Whoever agrees to produce it first gets it.

Interested? Then email me at the address shown on my Contact Me page and you'll be among the first to receive the script when it's complete. The mystery play is due September 1. The airport play is due October 1.

Two plays in three months? I guess I know what I'll be doing this summer!

Nutmeg State Latte gets some love

It's always exciting to see one of my plays gets nominated for a local theater award. Well, Woodland Regional High School's production of Whole Latte Love, didn't get just one nomination. It got five:

• Best Contemporary Play
• Best Performance by a Cast in an Ensemble Production 
• Best Standout Performance in a Male Role in an Ensemble Production
• Best Standout Performance in a Female Role in an Ensemble Production
• Best Scenic Design

They're called the Halo Awards and they're given out by Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, CT to over 90 participating high schools across the state of Connecticut.

Of course, Whole Latte Love may not win, and that's okay. As they say, it's an honor just to be nominated. Especially when you're up against such classic plays as Shakespeare in Love, Clue, Eurydice, and Puffs.

But I really, really want to win. And we'll find out exactly who does win on May 30 during the awards ceremony at Waterbury's Palace Theater.

Good luck, everybody!

My 14th year sales

Another theater season has come and gone, and I'm happy to say that this one truly was a banner one. But--and it's a big but--it had to be. Since I'm now a full-time playwright, and my playwriting income is only about a third of my old engineering income, I need to keep growing my royalties by a healthy percentage each year if I want to make a go of this.

The best way to do that, of course, is to get more productions. And the best way to do that is to write more plays. Which is why I've been working like crazy, cranking out plays quickly while maintaining the quality people have come to expect.

But not just any plays. It's also important to keep the market in mind and write what schools and community theaters are looking for. And a couple of results from the past year have me rethinking this whole thing.

More on that later. In the meantime, let's take a quick look at...

The numbers

A year ago, I saw a massive bump from the previous year. My production count was up 16% and my royalties were up--get ready for it--44%. Maybe I was a little delusional, but I was hoping for something similar this year. Unfortunately, I fell short. I had a total of 451 productions, which is up 8% over the previous year while my royalties were up only 6%.

It's not that my new plays didn't do well. They did. It's just that some of my big hits from the previous year dropped off a little more than expected.

Still, I'm not worried. I've seen quite a few of my plays pop up again in a year or two so I'm hopeful that will happen again over the next twelve months.

And besides, that 451 is an all-time record for me so I really can't complain.

The top five

1) The Enchanted Bookshop--118 productions

My most-popular play for the eighth year in a row was this magical comedy. That 118 is actually an amazing number because it represents the second highest production count this play has ever had.

The Enchanted Bookshop is truly the Energizer Bunny of plays. It just keeps going and going and going.

It's the only one of my plays that theaters repeat, sometimes as often as once a year. It's also the only one of my plays (besides The Enchanted Bookshop Musical) that regularly appears in professional theater seasons alongside such big-name works as Clue, Matilda, and Into the Woods.

2) It Happened on Route 66--48 productions

For the second year in the row, my second-most-popular play was this 1950's romantic comedy. And I couldn't be happier.

I love this play. I love the characters. I love the humor. I love the cool diner setting. And I'm grateful that so many people around the country seem to love the play as well.

I can't wait to see how well the brand new musical adaptation Route 66 does this year.

3) Bringing Down the House--36 productions

My third-most-popular play was this backstage comedy. What's especially impressive is that this was only a partial year for the play. It wasn't even released until August.

I've got be honest. This one surprised me. I never dreamed it would be this popular. I wrote it simply because a school commissioned me to write it. They wanted a play about a musical rehearsal that keeps getting interrupted so none of the characters actually get to sing. As a result, the play calls for a lot of different musical tracks which are only played for a few bars.

The play is pretty quirky in other ways as well. There's a swordfight between a group of confused protesters using the handles of their protest signs against a band of sledgehammer-armed demolition workers, There's another swordfight involving actual swords. And then there's a dance involving aliens, pirates, and several crates of dynamite.  

The reason I think it's so popular is just the sheer size of the play. It calls for a cast of 40, similar to my play It's a Madhouse!, which has also been wildly popular. So it's clear that a lot of schools are interested in plays that give a large number of students an opportunity to perform.

And this one definitely does. Unlike some plays that achieve their large cast sizes by plugging in a nameless chorus, my plays always give each character a name, a unique personality, a specific goal, and at least a couple of lines guaranteed to get a laugh. 

So one of the changes I'm planning to make in my career is to focus a lot more on huge-cast plays like this--even if they're not commissioned.

4) The Enchanted Bookshop Musical--27 productions

My fourth-most-popular play was this musical adaptation of The Enchanted Bookshop. This was another surprise because those 27 productions are the most it's received since its inaugural (and COVID-shortened) season of 2019-2020 and a big boost from last year's 15 productions. I don't know what happened to bring it back to life, but I like it.

5) You're Driving Me Crazy!--25 productions

My fifth-most-popular play was this collection of four driver's ed-related shorts. Ten years in, it's still getting a healthy number of productions.

Earlier this month, Pioneer released The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, my first one-act play since You're Driving Me Crazy! and I'm already hearing from teachers who tell me how excited their students are to perform it. So I think that's going to be a big play this year. And I'm going to watch it closely because I may start writing a lot more short plays.

Honorable mentions

I do want to give a shout-out to three plays that just missed being in the top five: Million Dollar Meatballs (also in its tenth year) and It's a Madhouse!, both of which snagged 24 productions, and How to Enchant a Bookshop, which was right behind them with 23 productions.

It's a Madhouse!, of course, has a one-act version titled simply Madhouse!, and if you combined the two of them, they would account for an impressive 47 productions. So even though the first of those two plays dropped off my top five this year, the pair remains a production powerhouse.

Finally, this was the first full year for How to Enchant a Bookshop and I find that particularly interesting because when I first submitted the play, there was some concern that it might cannibalize sales from the other Enchanted Bookshop plays. Seeing that two of them are still in my top five, it's heartening to know this didn't happen.

Final thoughts

So yeah, it was a good year. Sure, I wish some of my plays had done a little better and that my royalties had grown a little more. But still, it was a record-breaking year in many ways and I couldn't have done it without you, the drama teachers and theater directors who've chosen my plays over the years.

So let me just leave you with a large and very heartfelt...