10 things I learned in high school

And just like that, the world premiere of Million Dollar Meatballs is over.

As described earlier, the Discovery Canyon High School production of my play was the first time I got to sit in on rehearsals from auditions to final preview. And although I'm sad to see it end, I have to say it was a wonderful experience all around. Director Amy Keating did a fabulous job, encouraging the students to play with the script while remaining completely respectful of my intent. And the students themselves were amazing, making the characters come to life in ways I never expected.

The houses were smaller than I would have liked, with about 100 people on our biggest night. But the audiences made up for it through sheer enthusiasm. From the moment hotheaded chef Gordon Ramrod angrily tore off his aprons (yes, he was wearing more than one) to the final frenzied search for the diamonds, the auditorium was filled with that most beautiful of sounds: laughter.

Amy originally offered to produce the play because she felt it would be an educational experience for her students. What surprised me is how many things I learned as well.

Here are the top ten:

1. High school actors are absolutely fearless. You can ask them to do anything--eat food off the floor, slam into walls, have a pitcher of water poured into their lap--and they will throw themselves completely into it.

2. High school theatre directors are way underpaid.

3. If you make people laugh, no one will complain that your play is only 60 minutes long.

4. Don't ever, EVER have two things happening in a scene at the same time. While it may look exciting on the page, it's a confusing mess on the stage.

5. No matter how much you promote your play, it'll never outdraw the school's football game.

6. The amount of laughter a joke gets has no correlation to the amount of effort it took to think of the joke.

7. Shaving cream makes an excellent beard.

8. Given freedom to experiment, the actors will come up with better lines than you ever could.

9. Given freedom to experiment, the actors will also come up with much worse lines. As playwright, it's your job to know the difference.

10. Nothing gets a bigger laugh than a bad French accent.

And an extra one:

11. Theatre kids are some of the brightest, politest, nicest people you'll ever meet.

Discovering meatballs

I'm thrilled to announce that my newest play, Million Dollar Meatballs, will get its world premiere at the Discovery Canyon Campus High School in Colorado Springs, CO in October. The play is a full-length comedy about a bungling pair of jewel thieves who hide out in the kitchen of a fancy restaurant and accidentally lose their diamonds in a batch of meatballs. I think it may be my funniest play. It's certainly the most frenzied.

I'm thrilled for two reasons. First, I really need to workshop it before I submit it to a publisher. It's a complicated farce with tons of physical humor, and action occurring in two rooms at the same time. I want to see how it works in the rehearsal room and I fully expect to rework whole sections of it to make sure it's easily producible.

Second, I've wanted to get involved with a local high school for a long time--and Discovery Canyon is one of the best. Amy Keating, who runs the theatre program there, knows how to get the best out of her kids. And she does something few other drama teachers do: she gives budding young playwrights an opportunity to see their own works on the stage.

So I can't wait to work with Amy, and to see her kids bring this crazy fireball of a play to life.