On getting old

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~ John Barrymore

Today is my 50th birthday--a day that, if nothing else, should calls for some serious navel-gazing. Where have I come from? Where am I now? And where did I expect to be?

Today is the first day I've truly felt old. Of course, it didn't help that my teenage daughter greeted me this morning with a cheery, "Now I can call you old!"

Turning 40 didn't bother me. I felt young, or at least youngish, and I still believed that my peak years were before me. And they were. In 2003, I was an unpublished writer struggling to break into middle-grade novels--a goal that is still out of reach.

Since then I:

Had my first play produced

Had my first play produced in NYC (which I consider a singular achievement in itself)

Had my first (and second) play published

Won my first (and second) playwriting contest
Launched a thriving playwriting group

Became the theatre critic for the Colorado Springs Gazette and later the Colorado Springs Independent

Became a judge for the Colorado Theatre Guild, enabling me to see 10x as much as theatre as I ever have before

Made boatloads of new friends through the wonderful world of theatre.

In fact, other than my day job, about everything that occupies my time these days originated in the last ten years. And, amazingly enough, 7 of the 8 items above all occurred in the last 3 years (I started out as a theatre critic 5 years ago).

There's no reason to expect this won't continue. But I'm still haunted by an undeniable feeling of dissatisfaction. As I look over this list, I can help but feel these are things I should have achieved 10 years ago, if not 20 years ago.

But then, I drifted through life for so long--dabbling in one hobby here, another there--that I should be grateful I ever found My Purpose (as cheesy as that sounds).

It's that darn day job that throws me. If I had had this success 20 years ago, I might be a full-time playwright by now. As it is, I may never achieve that goal.

But if 50 has taught me anything, it's that life is full of surprises.

And I'm going to be ready for them.