The early mouse gets the cheese

Every time I write a new play, I hope for two things. One, that it'll get published. And two, that it'll get picked up quickly, with schools and community theaters falling over themselves in their rush to be the first to produce it. (Okay, that's only a slight exaggeration.)

Of course, step one comes before step two. But not today.

And that's because I just received an email from a teacher in Ontario who's interested in licensing Mouse in the House for a production in March.

That is, like, crazy early. Pioneer accepted the play only four days ago. Heck, I haven't received the contract yet.

How did she know about it? I'm glad you asked!

She found it on the New Play Exchange, the digital library owned and operated by the National New Play Network.

As soon as one of my plays get accepted for publication, I'll post it in two places. The first is the Plays tab of this blog. There I list all of my plays from newest to oldest. Since this list is only intended to whet your appetite, each description is brief, providing the genre, cast size, length, and a one-sentence synopsis. Nothing more.

The second is the aforementioned New Play Exchange. Here I generally list my plays from most popular to least popular, although I usually slide my newest four or five plays to the top.

This list is much more comprehensive. You get a longer, more detailed synopsis. You get a full cast list with character names, descriptions, and number of lines. You also get a direct link to a script sample as well as the page where you can license the play on the publisher's website.

What makes this database especially powerful is that you can search for exactly the criteria you're interested in. Genre. Cast size. Setting. Even keywords such as "single set" or DEI. They're all searchable.

The only drawback? To use the database, you've got to buy an annual subscription. But it's dirt cheap--just $12 a year--and well worth it since it gives you access to the largest online database of plays in the world.

It's a no brainer if there ever was one.

So, yeah, this blog is still the best play to learn when I'll be releasing a new play. But if you want to scan a list of all my plays, then I urge to cough up that $12 (if you haven't already done so) and bop on over to my New Play Exchange page.

Mouse in the House to be published

It may be a week before Christmas, but I already got what I wanted most. Pioneer Drama Service just informed me that they'll be publishing my 35th play, Mouse in the House. And unlike the creature in that C. C. Moore poem, this one is definitely stirring!

The play is a wild farce in the spirit of my full-length comedies Bringing Down the House or It's a Madhouse! It has a cast off of 33, slightly smaller than those two plays. And it requires only a single living-room set.

Here's the synopsis:

To solve their financial woes, Jeff and Quinn are forced to sell the charming Victorian home that Quinn inherited from her parents. Unfortunately, just as their open house is about to start, Quinn spies a mouse in the upstairs hallway.

Their realtor Moira is mortified. She wants to hire an exterminator to get rid of the mouse before any potential buyers see it. Kindhearted Quinn, however, insists that no traps, cats, or poisons be used. And so, unknown to the others, each of the three calls an exterminator specializing in "humane" methods.

One uses kazoos, one uses Viking weapons (Quinn didn't say anything about war hammers), and one dresses in a mouse costume in an attempt to get rid of the rodent. The result? Pure havoc as the exterminators prove better at chasing off the potential buyers than the mouse!

How did I come up with the idea? Well, that's an interesting story in itself.

When I brainstorm ideas for new plays. I usually start with the location. I ask myself: what setting is fresh and new (for me, at least) and offers a lot of potential for humor?

That's how I came up with Freaky Tiki (Hawaiian resort), It Happened on Route 66 (1950's diner), and Whole Latte Love (coffee shop). But after completing my last play, Mall Madness (1980's food court), I was stuck. I couldn't think of a single setting that met my requirements.

Then one day, I was watching the Netflix series No Good Deed and as soon as I saw that it was set during an open house, it hit me. I don't always need a unique location. A unique situation can work just as well. And an open house is one situation that's rife with possibilities.

I tossed around the idea of having a murder occur at an open house, but that seemed a little too dark for me. So then I imagined what else could go wrong during that open house. I thought about the couple having their pet hamster get loose, or their pet snake. But everything began to click when I realized the only really good idea is to have a mouse running amuck in the house.

And not just any mouse. This mouse would be their neighbor's super-talented movie star mouse (think Stuart Little if that film had featured a real live rodent instead of a CGI figure).

It was a natural. All I had to do was throw in a few crazy exterminators, a money-hung realtor, a pair of obnoxious HOA officers, a confused pizza delivery person, and I had my plot.

Oh, one more thing. Mouse in the House wasn't its original title. I actually submitted it to Pioneer as Eek!

Personally, I loved the title. To me, it instantly created a picture in the mind of what is was about--and a funny one at that.

But it immediately ran into problems. When my editor Brian received my email featuring the one-word subject line of Eek!, he freaked out, thinking I'd found a mistake in the script they'd just released (my one-act comedy, A Fine-Feathered Murder). Needless to say, he was relieved to learn that subject line was merely the title of my latest play.

Then when I received the acceptance email today, Brian addressed the title again. He said that when the staff there started reviewing the script, some of the readers thought it might be a ghost story or a mystery.

It made a lot of sense. To me, "eek" always meant someone had seen a mouse, but a quick Google search showed that, yeah, some people use it for ghosts as well. And Merriam-Webster simply defines it as an interjection "used to express surprise or dismay". Which I guess includes everything you might be scared by, from spiders to zombies to public speaking.

So I agreed to dump that title. Fortunately, Brian already had another one ready to go: Mouse in the House.

I liked it. A lot. It tells you what the play's about. And it makes it clear that the play is a comedy.

I still have a couple months to see if I can come up with something even better. But for now, Mouse in the House it is. Look for this furry farce to receive a spring release.

No, not that kind of spring.

Upstate NY school goes mad for Madhouse!

One of the best parts of being a playwright is meeting with students who've performed one of my plays (it's certainly more fun than the actual writing!). Which is why I'm on a natural high right now. I just got off Zoom with the talented theater students at Chazy Central Rural School in upstate New York and, man, did I have fun!

This was actually the second time I've spoken with students from this school. Last June, the school's drama teacher Kathryn Brown reached out to me because her students were in rehearsal with my one-act comedy The Worst Fairy Tale Ever and she thought it would be a great experience for them to chat with me (as it turns out, that production was the first one of the final published script).

The kids had a ton of great questions, and their crazy energy and excitement really made my day.

So I was thrilled when I heard from Ms. Brown last month that they were performing my full-length farce Madhouse! and wondered if I'd be willing to speak with the students again.

My answer? I resounding yes!

This time we had the call after their production instead of before, and it was interesting to see how that simple shift changed the questions entirely. Instead of asking how they should perform their characters (I'm always leery of giving directing advice, but Ms. Brown said it was okay), this time the students were more interested in learning how I came up with the different characters and why did they make the choices they did in the story.

Of course, their energy and excitement were just as crazy as before.

Which is why I'd like to remind all of the drama teachers and directors out there that I remain available for half-hour Zoom calls. If I get bombarded with requests, I may have to start charging for them, but for now they're completely free for any school, homeschool group, or community theater that's performing one of my plays. Simply email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com to start the conversation.

Survival Island! comes to life

The contestants signal for help from a passing helicopter

The world premiere of my new comedy Survival Island! is in the books--and what a premiere it was! The show was produced by my friends at Jacksonville Performing Arts in North Carolina, and they went all out in creating the set and costumes for this reality-show satire. They even built a volcano at the entrance to the theater! Best off all, the audiences loved it.

Getting this premiere was especially important to me because my usual publisher, Pioneer Drama Service, passed on the script. I fully intend on submitting it to another publisher, but before I do that, I wanted to get at least one production to prove the play is not only producible but marketable. 

Of course, the production photos--JPA took over 200 of them!--will also help.

Investment banker Michelle seeks to
corner the market in seashells

Pioneer didn't tell me why they passed on it, and I didn't ask. But I suspect it may be because they felt that the play was too grim.

Admittedly, Survival Island! starts a little darker than most of my plays. The play centers on the eight cast members of a Survivor!-type reality show, and as soon as filming for the show is about to begin, they discover that the entire crew perished when they fell into a volcano. Now the contestants are entirely on their own.

At first, they vow to work together. But soon, they divide into competing mini-countries when their only food source runs low.

Anthropologist Edith and chef Andrea
disagree about the best way to run the island

Toward the end, they finally learn to work together, but not until after an epic fight in which their few remaining bananas serve as effective, if very silly, weapons

That's when they finally come up with the solution that'll allow them to get rescued: Build a battery out of a banana so they can charge the one satellite phone they have (yes, banana batteries really work!).

Only then does the crew reappear, revealing that the volcano incident was all a ruse. They'd faked their deaths in order to heighten the tension and increase the show's ratings.

So yeah, the play ends up being not as dark as it sounds.

The Battle of the Bananas

Now that JPA has produced the play and sent me their photos, I have everything I need to submit it to the next publisher on my list. Which I will do, as soon as I figure who that is.

In the meantime, you can license the play directly from me for the very reasonable fee of $60 per performance. For a free perusal script or to discuss licensing further, simply email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com.

Building the banana battery

A Caribbean Enchanted Bookshop Musical

I'm beyond thrilled for my Trinidad and Tobago premiere today as the Native Caribbean Foundation opens a twelve-show run of The Enchanted Bookshop Musical. This makes my 25th country overall and my first in the Caribbean.

The Native Caribbean Foundation does a lot of work with marginalized communities, bringing the magic of theater to people who may not have experienced it before, and this production is no exception. One of the performances includes a sign language interpreter for deaf persons. Another is a relaxed performance for those with sensory sensitivities (think dimmer lights, lower mic volumes).

As president and CEO Marlon Espinoza put it in a recent Pioneer Drama Service newsletter article,  "I feel an immense amount of personal satisfaction and joy at being able to provide these children with a life-changing experience."

The best part? Both of these special performances are completely free for attendees.

 

I wish I had some stills to show you, but the foundation primarily relies on Facebook and Instagram reels, which I'm unable to copy here. Instead, I urge to go check out the wonderful work they're doing by visiting their Facebook page or Instagram page.

As for the theater, it's truly a beaut.

A Fine-Feathered Murder is now available!

There's fast. There's super fast. And then there's lightning fast.

I'm talking about the speed with which Pioneer Drama Service published my latest play, A Fine-Feathered Murder. It's my 30th play with them and my 5th new play this year.

But first, the deets. A Fine-Feathered Murder is a one-act comedy about an opera-singing parrot that gets bumped off. It has a cast of 8 (2M, 4F, 2 any), uses a single set, and runs about 25 minutes.

So about that speed. I submitted the play on August 26. Pioneer accepted the play on October 9. And they made it available on their website today. That makes 77 days from submission to publication, and that was after I delayed my editors a week so we could get a Louisiana middle school's world premiere into the script.

And by the way, that was only 139 days from when I started writing the script. Whoosh!

Why did it happen so fast? Well, for one thing, the publisher told me the script needed very little editing. Except for a few minor changes, it was ready to go from the start.

But they also see a huge market for it. It's short. It's funny. It's super easy to produce. And it's a fresh take on a well-loved genre. As far as I can tell, there isn't another murder mystery in which the victim is a parrot. Or really any other avian creature.

This play really is for the birds! (Sorry.)

I've already told you how I came up with the premise for the play. I've shared a fun excerpt from the script. So all that's left is to tell you what the darn thing's about. Here you go:

Apollonia is a very unusual parrot. Not only can she talk and sign, but she can perform Verdi's opera Rigoletto from start to finish. 

That is why her oh-so-snobby owner Lilith has invited a few special people to  private recital by the parrot. Unfortunately, just as the recital is about to begin, Apollonia is discovered lifeless at the bottom of the cage.

All signs point to murder. But who could have done it? The greedy impresario who hoped to cash in by sending Apollonia on a worldwide tour? The sinister ornithologist who wanted the fame of probing the bord for scientific purposes? Lilith's long-suffering husband? Their fun-loving but opera-hating teenage daughter. Their forgetful elderly neighbor? Or their cheeky, outspoken maid?

I just know you're going to love this one! To find out more, please visit the play's web page.

A Fine-Feathered Murder to be published

Great news for those who love short mystery comedies (or is it comedy mysteries?). Pioneer Drama Service is going to publish my newest play, A Fine-Feathered Murder, a very British drawing room mystery in which a bumbling town constable struggles to solve the murder of an opera-singing parrot. The play has a cast of 8 (2M, 4F, 2 any), uses a single set, and runs around 30 minutes. 

All of the characters are over-the-top in their own way, but the most over-the-top are a greedy impresario named Ashton Sinclair and a creepy ornithologist named Doctor Snively (I got that last name from a former coworker of mine, who always sounded vaguely villainous to me--the name, not the coworker).

Snobby Lilith Farthingstone has invited them to her country estate to hear her parrot Apollonia sing the entire score of Verdi's opera Rigoletto and these characters have two very different reasons for being there.

ASHTON:  Well, Dr. Snively, you seem especially nefarious today.

SNIVELY:  I'm afraid you're the one who seems nefarious, Mr. Sinclair.

ASHTON:  Good doctor, I have no idea what you mean.

SNIVELY:  Don't play coy with me. I know exactly why you're here. You wish to exploit this magnificent specimen by putting her on the stage!

ASHTON:  A specimen, is she? Something to be poked and prodded like fungus in a petri dish? At least I'm offering her an opportunity to be lauded for her artistry!

SNIVELY:  Her artistry? Don't make me laugh! Under your guardianship, she'll be treated more like a bear in a circus than an artist!

ASHTON:  Your arguments are futile, Doctor. You watch. Someday I shall have Apollonia for my very own!

SNIVELY:  You stay away from her! That bird is mine, do you hear? Mine!

LILITH:  (ENTERS RIGHT.) And how are we getting along, you two?

ASHTON:  Just peachy, Mrs. Farthingstone. 

SNIVELY:  Oh, yes. Peachy indeed.

LILITH:  I just knew you two would hit it off!

You know, it's funny. A Fine-Feathered Murder and The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, which came out in May, are the first one-acts I've written since my first two plays got published thirteen years ago.

I honestly don't know why I've waited so long. These plays were a blast to write. The writing went very quickly. And if early results from The Worst Fairy Tale Ever are any indication, they should do very well. 

Yep. I'm going to have to write some more.

Building up Bringing Down the House

I have to give one more plug for the production of Bringing Down the House at Maui OnStage. And that's because it just received a very special review.

Sure, the review is a rave. But that isn't what makes it special. What makes it special is that it's the very first video review I've ever received.

It's part of a weekly YouTube series titled Curtain Call and hosted by the very distinguished Paul James-Brown, a theater lover who makes his home on the Valley Isle.

Director Tina Kailiponi

James-Brown had some embarrassingly nice things to say about the script, pointing out that every member of the cast gets a chance to shine, which is something I always strive to do so I'm glad it worked here.

But what I really want to focus on is his praise for directors Tina Kailiponi and Francis Tau'a. James-Brown admired how they managed to take a huge group of actors (30 in their production) and turn them into "a well-tuned theatrical ensemble." He added, "This was a clearly well-rehearsed group who were all having fun, and so were we."

Assistant Director Francis Tau'a

The critic saved his greatest praise, however, for the program as a whole, saying, "Maui Onstage has built an exceptional theatre training center for our young people. This program continues to grow and produce quality youth theater."

But don't take my word for it. Watch the video above for yourself. You'll see lots of great production stills and even a short clip from one of the performances.

Enjoy!

On leads, supporting characters, and robots

I got an interesting email today. A director in Illinois said their theater had produced The Enchanted Bookshop Musical and he wanted to submit a couple of the actors for their local theater awards. The problem is he didn't know which award to submit them for. Were Eddie and Fingers leads or supporting characters?

Now before we go any further, I want to clarify something. May people argue that the lead, or protagonist, is the character who demonstrates the greatest arc during the course of the story.

Social media, for example is rife with examples of people arguing that Cameron is the real hero in Ferris Bueller's Day Off because Ferris himself never changes. He's the exact same character at the end of the film that he was at the beginning.

Well, that's just silly. A well-designed play (or movie or novel) will feature several characters who demonstrate an arc. It makes the story more interesting. It makes the story more realistic. And it gives the actors something to sink their teeth into.

Does that make all of them the protagonist? Of course not.

The protagonist is simply the character who drives the plot. And a well-designed play (or movie or novel) will feature exactly one of them. It just makes for a more focused, more compelling story.

The Enchanted Bookshop is an interesting case, however, because it features not one, but two separate plots. There's the daytime plot, in which Margie struggles to keep her bookshop in business. And there's the nighttime plot, in which the book characters come to life to battle the smugglers.

Clearly, Margie is the protagonist of the daytime plot. But who's the protagonist of the nighttime plot? After all, the six main book characters who come to life all play a role in defeating the smugglers who threaten to destroy Margie's shop.

But if you read the script carefully, you'll see that it's Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz who acts as the conscience of the group. She's the one who continually urges the others to do the right thing.

So, no, Eddie and Fingers are not the leads of The Enchanted Bookshop. They're supporting characters. 

Sure, they have their own goals they're desperately trying to achieve. But those goals are not the main goals of the plot and are in direct opposition to our hero's goals, which makes them the antagonists. The bad guys, so to speak.

And that brings me to my final point. Just because a character isn't the lead, just because they have fewer lines than the main character, doesn't mean they're not important. 

As a matter of fact, every character in every one of my plays is important, even vital to the story. Seriously, I always plot my plays like a house of cards. Remove any one card--or character--and the whole thing comes crashing down. 

So rest assured, whether you have 331 lines like Jenkins in The Butler Did It! or 0 lines like the dancing robot who appears (and usually steals the show) at the end of  George Washington Ate My Homework, you have a very important role indeed.

Enjoy it. Savor it. And don't ever let yourself forget it.

Maui Bringing Down the House brings the funny

Sometimes theaters choose a play because of the plot. Sometimes they choose it because of the characters or theme.

Maui OnStage chose my backstage comedy Bringing Down the House because it could use the same set as their mainstage show.

I'll take it.

As this article in the Maui News relates, this theatrical group based at the historic Iao Theater in Wailuku has a hugely active youth arm. And their production of Bringing Down the House is a prime example of that, drawing students from nearly every high school on Maui.

When director Tina Kailiponi went looking for a fall play this year, she was drawn to my backstage comedy by its unique concept and non-stop humor. But what really clinched it for her was the fact that it could be performed with some simple scaffolding on an otherwise bare stage, the same set they're using for their production of The Rocky Horror Show, which is running at the same time.

Kalliponi went on to say that assistant director Francis Tau'a--a local talent she describes as "the king of comedy"--is working with the students to make sure they nail that humor. "He's teaching them how to deliver the joke, and how to make it land--all the elements of comedy."

Did I mention this is my first live production in Hawaii? A theater on the east side of Maui produced You're Virtually Driving Me Crazy! in 2020, but as the title of the play implies, that show was performed completely online.

Fortunately, I won't have to wait too long for my second live production as a school on the island of Kauai will be doing The Enchanted Bookshop in October.

As the article makes clear, Kailiponi and the other staff member are extremely proud of the hard work that the students put into their shows. And they should be.

If you're ever vacationing on Maui, you should definitely stop by this gem of a theater to see one (or more) of their shows. I guarantee you'll have a fantastic time!

Rave review for Okie Bookshop

It must be theater season again. I've just gotten my first review in months. And I'm happy to say it's a rave.

I mean, of course it's a rave. Like 90% of my productions, the show featured a youth cast--and nobody's going to slam a bunch of kids.

But still, it's always fun to see what the reviewer names as the best parts of the show,. picks out as being the best parts of the show.

In this case, the show was a production of The Enchanted Bookshop by the Ardmore Little Theatre of Ardmore, OK.

As it turns out, that little theater is not so little. The Charles B. Goddard Center, where they perform their shows has a huge stage and over 300 luxurious seats. 

In his review, Drew Butler lavished most of his praise on the costume and makeup artists. Not only were Bombalurina and Toto completely adorable, but somehow Long John Silver's pegleg was so authentic it clicked when he walked.

Butler also singled out the actors playing Eddie, Fingers, and Officer Ketchum, noting how they played their characters' below average intelligence to a tee.

He wrapped up his review by describing The Enchanted Bookshop as a "fun show" and "great for the whole family," which I'm very grateful for. He even sounded a little surprised that a kid's show could be so good, saying "I genuinely enjoyed myself, laughing out loud several times."

But what really struck me about his review was how much he appreciated the short duration of the show. The one he attended only ran 78 minutes, not including intermission.

Sometimes I've felt that my plays aren't long enough. That I should add scene fillers and subplots to give audiences a little more bang for their buck.

But you know what? I've heard many people complain that a particular show is too long. I have yet to hear anyone complain that a show is too short.

A Fine-Feathered Murder gets a premiere

Only eight of my thirty-three plays have a world premiere credit in the back of script. I wish they all did.

Getting that production provides me feedback that can help make the script better. And the cast and crew get that world premiere credit in the script to immortalize all the hard work they put into the play.

But it's a luxury that I can't always afford. The only way to survive as a full-time playwright is to write--and publish--quickly. And hunting for a theater to premiere your play, then waiting for them to produce it, can delay the play's publication by a year or more.

So I'm thrilled that Caddo Parish Middle Magnet School in Shreveport, Louisiana, has agreed to give my newest, as-yet-unpublished play, A Fine-Feathered Murder, its world premiere in November.

How it happened is a story in itself.

Trey Jackson, the theater director at the school, was already involved in a production of The Butler Did It! at his church. He liked this mystery/comedy so much he wanted to do it with his middle school kids but was wondering if there was a shorter version. Apparently, he did an AI-based search online and it told him a middle school version existed.

It does not. Which just goes to show, AI is always more A than I.

When Trey emailed me about it, I gave him the bad news. But I offered to send him the script for A Fine-Feathered Murder, which has the same dry, British humor of The Butler Did It! but is a lot shorter and easier to produce.

He loved the script. The kids loved it too. And they really, really wanted to give the play its world premiere.

The only problem? They were planning to perform it as their spring play. I told Trey it was possible the play would already be published by then and, if so, they'd miss any chance to get a credit in the script.

So he pulled some strings and managed to get the play scheduled for November 6 and 7.

Trey's excited. The kids are excited. And I'm excited, in no small part because I'll be offering my input on the audition tapes the kids submit--a new experience for me.

Oh, and they'll also be performing it in the spring. Six times. With three more casts.

I guess they really do love the play.

Crowley County HS joins the club

A big shoutout to Crowley County High School in Ordway, Colorado for becoming the sixth member of my five-timers club, that very elite group of theaters that have performed my plays five or more times. 

Located in the high plans 50 miles east of Pueblo, CCHS may be a small school (just 250 students strong!), but it's got a super active drama club. These talented students produce two full-length shows a year, hold a ton of fund-raising activities, and even have their own Facebook page.

Here are the plays of mine they've produced:

The Enchanted Bookshop

An Enchanted Bookshop Christmas

Whole Latte Love

It Happened on Route 66 (shown above)

George Washington Ate My Homework (coming November 23-25)

Oh, and that production of The Enchanted Bookshop? Its cast represented almost 10% of the entire student body!

Keep it up, Charger Drama. You're doing a fantastic job!

Mall Madness is now available!

Just in time for the new school year, Pioneer Drama Service has released my 29th play with them (and 33rd overall). Set in the 1980's, Mall Madness is a lighthearted romp through all those great fads of that wonderful decade: Rubik's cubes, Dungeons and Dragons, Sony Walkmans (Walkmen?), Swatch watches, boomboxes, and, of course, Air Jordans.

To read a script sample or review ordering info, visit the play's web page here.

It's a Mall World After All

Most of my early plays were set in fairly generic settings: an Old West town, a French restaurant, a mythical kingdom. But I've been having fun lately placing my plays in oddly specific locales.

It Happened on Route 66 is set at an actual 1950's diner in Winona, Arizona, which I made a point of visiting last year and discovered it to b very different that the diner I'd imagined when I was writing the play.

Thirty Minutes Till Boarding, a play I'm currently developing with Belmont Day School in Massachusetts, takes place at gate E7 of Boston's Logan Airport. 

And while the abandoned theater of Bringing Down the House is completely made-up, I placed it on a very specific street in Lower Manhattan for one very good reason.

Mall Madness is no different. I could have set it in any 1980's mall. But I decided to plop it down right in the middle of the Glendale Galleria in the San Fernando Valley of California. Why? Well, I wanted the laid-back, Southern California vibe that the characters in movies like Say Anything and Fast Times at Ridgemont High had. I also found that there are a ton of videos and photos of the place online, which inspired my own writing.

The Glendale Galleria also has a fascinating history in itself. It was the home of the very first Disney Store. The home of the very first Panda Express. It appeared in a number of 1980's movies, including Miracle Mile and Valley Girl. And Billie Eilish recorded her music video for her 2021 single "Therefore I Am" in the empty, after-hour corridors of the mall.

Of course, I don't expect directors to make their set a carbon copy of the Glendale Galleria. That would be insane. But I think that having something to look at will inspire them in their own work. They may end up going in a completely different direction. But at least they'll have a starting point.

Those Golden Treasures

One more thing about the play. Mall Madness is one of my few plays that features a full, minute-long monologue.

I know, I know. I should write more monologues as a way to introduce directors and actors to my plays through the audition circuit. And I've tried. I've really tried.

The thing is that my characters absolutely refuse to talk that long. They like to get to the point, their dialog taking a rat-a-tat rhythm that keeps things moving.

Well, that all changed when Darla, a teenage employee of Rooster Ray's, America's Poultry Palace, took the stage in Mall Madness. Her job was to hand out samples of the latest high tech food product: chicken nuggets. And she took that job way too seriously:

I understand, ma'am, but I'm not allowed to give you any more. My manager was very clear about that during my training. Why, I remember it as if it were yesterday. Come to think of it, it was yesterday. "Darla," he said. "Do you see this chunk of chicken in my hand? Well, this is no ordinary chunk of chicken. Oh, no! This chunk of chicken is going to change the world! For too long, mothers have suffered the backbreaking burden of roasting entire chickens in their ovens. For too long, their husbands and children have grappled with scrawny drumsticks and unwieldy wings at the dinner table. But today we are on the verge of a new dawn. Today the chicken chunk has eliminated those hassles forever by offering a source of protein that is not only easy to cook but delicious to eat as well. Which i why we must treat them as the golden treasures they are. No not hand them out willy-nilly. They are much too precious for that. No, our corporate rule--and it is an ironclad one--is that you are to distribute only one sample per customer. Not three. Not two. Not one and a half. Just one. One chicken chunk, now and forevermore.

Summing it up 

Mall Madness is a big, fun comedy jam-packed with crazy characters like Darla. But it's not all yuks. There's also a heartwarming message about teenage relationships and figuring out who your real friends are. And, of course, there's a ton of cultural references that will make any child of the 80's smile.

I think you're really going to love it.

You can check it out here.

UPDATE: Mall Madness booked its first production on August 27, just 6 days after it was released. That's a new record for me. Thank you, Mascoutah Middle School of Mascoutah, IL!

I'm thinking it's going to be very popular.

Belmont diary: Start the engines

I've completed the first draft of my airport comedy. It's titled Thirty Minutes Till Boarding. And it's a monster.

104 pages. 40 characters. One high-energy dance number that can boost the cast size to 50 or more. And lots and lots of luggage.

It's my biggest play to date. But that's not the only reason it was such a bear to write. It's also the first play I've written that has multiple storylines.

A new journey

My other huge-cast plays, It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House, only had one storyline. Five or six characters drove the plot while the rest of the characters interacted in some way with the main ones in order to advance the plot.

There's one big advantage to doing it this way. It makes it very easy to follow the Hero's Journey template. After only, I only had to create one journey.

Thirty Minutes Till Boarding, on the other hand, has multiple storylines. Twelve, to be exact.

Some of the storylines have two characters. Some have three or four. The biggest one has six. But all of the characters are the heroes of their own story.

Writing it this way was fun but also extremely challenging. The biggest challenge was just coming up with all those different stories.

But there was one other big challenge. To keep the play under two hours, each storyline had to be very short, no more than ten minutes. How could I make those stories satisfying, with a complete narrative arc for each character, in just a few minutes?

There was only one answer. I had to use a simplified version of the Hero's Journey.

Six steps to story

Instead of the the 15 beats of Save the Cat!, which I usually use for my plays, or the 12 beats of The Writer's Journey, which many screenplays use, I settled on six that each of these stories had to have:

1) Status Quo--We meet the characters, find out what makes them tick, and discover what their goals are (a lot to cover in just a page or two).

2) Catalyst--An external event prevents the characters from achieving that goal.

3) Turning Point--A new complication raises the stakes for the characters.

4) All is Lost--The character seems to fail in their mission, usually because they're approaching the goal in the wrong way.

5) Final Victory--With a different approach and a newly reenergized effort, the characters finally succeed in achieving their goals.

6) Reward--We get a glimpse of the new normal, which shows us how the characters have been changed by their journey (usually, but not always, for the better).

I'm really happy with how the play turned out. I think it's really funny and really heartwarming, maybe my most heartwarming play to date.

It's also makes a great ensemble piece. No character has more than 63 lines, and 3/4 of the characters have at least 20 lines.

That magic number

One last thing. As I said, this is my biggest play, both in length and cast size. It's a Madhouse! and Bringing Down the House both ended up with 38 characters. That seems to be a magic number for me because my first draft of Thirty Minutes Till Boarding also had 38 characters.

But Belmont Day School really wanted 40 characters. I'd have to add two. What would their story be? 

Well, that's where the old axiom "write what you know" came into play.

I thought back to my own experiences flying commercial and I remembered the time a middle-aged lady squeezed into the seat next to me, her hands clutching something wrapped in foil. She sat there with it on her lap, admiring it, the whole time we were waiting for the plane to takeoff. 

Finally, it's twenty minutes later, we're in the air and she unwraps this thing. It's a chili dog. Like a loaded with everything chili dog. Ketchup. Mustard. Relish. And, of course, a lots and lots of onions.

She could have eaten it in the restaurant. She could have eaten it at the gate. But no. She carried it onto the plane so that all 150 passengers could appreciate this stink bomb.

I had my storyline. All I needed to do was move it into the airport, add a couple of brothers, give them a reason for traveling, and it was a go.

Scene: A crime against humanity

Here's the first scene of that storyline:

NEIL and VERN ENTER RIGHT, carrying backpacks. VERN holds a chili dog wrapped in foil.

NEIL: I'm telling you, Vern. This trip to Italy is going to make us rich!

VERN: I sure hope so, Neil.

NEIL: Are you doubting me? Don't be doubting me, bro. You know I've always been the smart one.

VERN: I'm not doubting you. It's just that, well, I guess I'm a little confused about the plan.

NEIL: (Sighs.) All right. I'll go over it one more time, but only because you're my little brother and I know you tend to forget things.

VERN: Thanks, Neil.

NEIL and VERN sit.

NEIL: Now listen. It's really very simple. Step one: We buy an abandoned house in the village of Sambuca for one measly euro. Step two: We renovate the house. Step three: We sell the house for a whole lot more than one euro. Bing bang boom!

VERN: Sounds like a lot of work.

NEIL: Well, sure, it's a lot of work, but that's why we make such a good team, right? You do all the physical labor and I take care of the brainy stuff.

VERN: What brainy stuff?

NEIL: Well, you know. Drawing up plans. Getting permits. Those are just as hard as laying brick or putting up drywall. (Sees the foil.) Wait a minute. What's in that foil?

VERN: A chili dog. I haven't eaten since breakfast, you know.

NEIL: You're bringing a chili dog on the plane?

VERN: Yeah.

NEIL: A casing-wrapped tube of heavily processed meat and meat byproducts, smothered in some overly seasoned bean slop, and topped off with tear-inducing onions?

VERN: Oh, yeah!

NEIL: You can't eat that on the plane!

VERN: Why not?

NEIL: Because it's a crime against humanity, that's why! As soon as you open that foil, the vile stench will fill the cabin and the other passengers will be forced to inhale those toxic fumes for the rest of the flight!

VERN: I could eat it now.

NEIL: Do you really think I want to smell that foul concoction on your breath for the next eight hours? No! Throw it away or I'm going to be sick!

VERN: Yes, Neil.

VERN EXITS RIGHT with the chili dog.

NEIL: (To himself.) He's lucky he's got me to watch out for him.

 

What comes next 

I emailed the play to Belmont Day School today, which feels like starting the engines on a jetliner. The play is fully boarded, but it's not ready for takeoff just yet. 

That won't happen until October, when we finally nail down the script and the school starts rehearsing for their March performance.

But for now, we've got a story--oops! make that twelve stories--that are just begging to come to life.

I can't wait to dig in.

Tulsa Stinky Feet Gang makes scents

This weekend and next, Spotlight Children's Theatre in Tulsa will be performing my wild west comedy The Stinky Feet Gang, their sixth production of one of my plays. And as with the previous five, three members of the cast appeared on local TV to chat it up. You can watch the spot here.

The young thespians also used the time to promote Storytime at the Spotlight, a free public event organized by the theater in partnership with Gardner's Used Books and the Tulsa City County Library. There will be silly stories, songs, and, in an apparent tie-in with the play, some stinky adventures.

Best of all, each child who attends the event will receive a free book. I mean seriously, what could be better than that? (Probably not the stinky adventures.)

Both the story time and the play will be held at Spotlight's historic Art Deco theater, which has to be one of the coolest-looking buildings that my plays have ever been performed in. The story time is on August 1. The play runs August 1-3 and 8-10.

Break legs, all! I'm sure you'll come out smelling like a rose.

Belmont Diary: A comedy for the birds

Most of my plays are a grind to write. Some go a little easier. And then there are those rare birds that just flow out of me from day one.

My newest play, A Fine-Feathered Murder, falls firmly in that last camp.

When Belmont Day School commissioned me to write it, they wanted a play with eight characters that were over the top but had interesting arcs. Not exactly the easiest of requirements. But a challenge I eagerly accepted.

It was a different challenge that worried me. The tone.

Mystery-comedies are mysteries first, comedies second, and before you write one word of dialogue or invent a single character, you've got to answer one very important question: what's the crime at the heart of the story?

Of course, murder is the go-to for the vast majority of mysteries, whether on page, stage, or screen, and that's because it carries the stakes that a good story needs.

But you've got to be careful. Make it too silly, and the story will lack tension. Make it too serious, and the comedy will suffer.

With The Butler Did It!, I managed to balance the crime and the comedy pretty well. The play has received rave reviews around the country and continues to get a healthy number of productions today, twelve years after it was first published.

But I think I veered too grim with Lights! Camera! Murder!, which would explain why Pioneer chose not to publish it and why it has struggled to find productions with Brooklyn Publishers.

So with this new play, I decided to err on the light side. I asked myself: What if it didn't involve the murder of a person but a parrot? And what if it wasn't just any parrot but one that could sing the entire score of Verdi's opera Rigoletto from start to finish?

Boom. The tap opened wide, and the eight very British characters who would people the play almost immediately popped into my head:

Lilith, the snobby owner of the parrot, who can't understand why only two invitees have come to the music recital she's organized.

Reginald, her long-suffering husband who thinks the whole idea of a recital for a parrot is silly.

Daphne, their Elvis-loving, opera-hating teenage daughter.

Fiona, the cheeky maid who's quick with a riposte while feeding the parrot plain old crackers on the sly.

Ashton, the pompous opera impresario who's convinced she'll become rich if only she can persuade Lilith to take the parrot on tour.

Dr. Snively, a creepy ornithologist who longs to get his hands on the bird for more "scientific" purposes.

Mrs. Willoughby, the elderly neighbor who never quite knows where she is.

Teddy, the bumbling village constable who's thrilled to finally have a murder case to investigate.

As I said, the writing went really well--it was almost fun!--and I finished it in about four weeks.

The school will only be using the script for in-class instruction, so once they provide their feedback on the script, I'll give it one more pass, then submit it for publication,

In the meantime, the world premiere is up for grabs. If you think you'd like to produce the play, email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com and I'll send you a free perusal copy of the script. As with my other one-act commission, The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, I believe this play is perfect for competition, a student-directed production, and an evening of one-acts. 

And no, I did not recycle any of these brilliantly funny gags from that dead parrot sketch.

But I was tempted to.