One of the most common critiques I get about my writing is that my characters are often unlikable. My first impulse is to cry out, that can't be. That character was based on me!
I'm kidding, of course. My characters aren't based on anyone, living or dead.
But they are unlikable. And I think that's because I push their personalities so far toward an extreme that they stop being human. And that's a problem. If your characters are unlikable, then your audience doesn't have anyone to root for. You audience won't care what happens to them.
My soon-to-be-published play Real Pirates Don't Wear Tiaras is a good example. The story revolves around five pampered princesses who are forced to pose as pirates in order to save their skins. The princesses were likable enough, but I gave them princely beaus--and those guys were complete jerks: self-centered, lazy and, well, kind of dumb.
When I submitted the script to my publisher, they accepted it, but they also asked for changes. They thought the princes were fun, but they had no redeeming values. If the princes were so awful, why were the princesses even with them?
My publisher had a point. So I went back to the old drawing board.
There's a scene toward the end of the play where Blacktooth, the pirate who shanghaied the princesses in the first place, throws everyone--princes and princesses alike--into the brig. In the original draft, the princesses come up with the plan to rescue themselves:
EMERALD
Oh, Norbert! I'd always hoped we'd be
together till the end of our days. I
just never dreamed the end would come
so soon!
NORBERT
together till the end of our days. I
just never dreamed the end would come
so soon!
NORBERT
Don't be afraid, Emerald. I'm sure
someone will save us.
RUBY
Who's going to save us? Everyone we
know is knocked in this cell.
OPAL
Well then, maybe we should get to
know more people.
RUBY
Sure, Opal. We'll get right on that.
CRUSTY ENTERS. She goes to grab the key.
AMBER
Wait. Maybe that's not such a bad
idea.
RUBY
What idea?
AMBER
Getting to know more people. In fact,
I see someone we should get to know
right now.
someone will save us.
RUBY
Who's going to save us? Everyone we
know is knocked in this cell.
OPAL
Well then, maybe we should get to
know more people.
RUBY
Sure, Opal. We'll get right on that.
CRUSTY ENTERS. She goes to grab the key.
AMBER
Wait. Maybe that's not such a bad
idea.
RUBY
What idea?
AMBER
Getting to know more people. In fact,
I see someone we should get to know
right now.
DOROTHY
Didn't you hear? That's the past due
notice from Mr, Skinflint. If Miss
Margie doesn't come up with three
thousand dollars by tomorrow, Mr.
Skinflint is going to close the shop.
Skinflint is going to close the shop.
After I got the note from my publisher, I tried a version where the princes helped the princesses make their escape. But it didn't work very well. The play is about female empowerment, and there was no way to have them help without taking away from the princesses' independence.
So instead, I added some dialogue to have Donahue--the laziest, most cowardly prince of all--explain why he was the way he was. And the reason why was something that, I hope, we can all identify with:
EMERALD
Oh, Norbert! I'd always hoped we'd be
together till the end of our days. I
just never thought the end would come
so soon!
NORBERT
together till the end of our days. I
just never thought the end would come
so soon!
NORBERT
I'm sorry, Emerald. I guess I've
failed you.
WILLOUGHBY
We all did.
CARLTON
That's right. We should have gone
after Blacktooth like we said we
should.
RUBY
Yeah. Now that you mention it, why
didn't you?
DONAHUE
Don't blame them. It was all my fault.
I'm the one who talked them out of it.
PEARL
But why, Donahue? Why did you do that?
DONAHUE
I don't know. I guess I was scared.
Everyone expects prices to fight
bloodthirsty pirates and evil knights
and hideous monsters with bad teeth.
But I don't know how to fight.
PEARL
(to the others)
That's true. He's not much of a
fighter. But he does make me laugh.
DONAHUE makes a funny face. All the PRINCESSES laugh.
AMBER
That's all right, Donahue. I guess we
all feel trapped by the roles we play.
CRUSTY ENTERS. AMBER watches her as she goes to grab the key.
AMBER
And I know somebody else who must feel
the way.
Following AMBER's gaze, NORBERT and WILLOUGHBY rise to their feet.
NORBERT
Do you want us to knock her out for you?
WILLOUGHBY
(pats himself all around)
I might have a bottle of sunscreen on me.
AMBER
No. Just stay back. I'll handle this.
failed you.
WILLOUGHBY
We all did.
CARLTON
That's right. We should have gone
after Blacktooth like we said we
should.
RUBY
Yeah. Now that you mention it, why
didn't you?
DONAHUE
Don't blame them. It was all my fault.
I'm the one who talked them out of it.
PEARL
But why, Donahue? Why did you do that?
DONAHUE
I don't know. I guess I was scared.
Everyone expects prices to fight
bloodthirsty pirates and evil knights
and hideous monsters with bad teeth.
But I don't know how to fight.
PEARL
(to the others)
That's true. He's not much of a
fighter. But he does make me laugh.
DONAHUE makes a funny face. All the PRINCESSES laugh.
AMBER
That's all right, Donahue. I guess we
all feel trapped by the roles we play.
CRUSTY ENTERS. AMBER watches her as she goes to grab the key.
AMBER
And I know somebody else who must feel
the way.
Following AMBER's gaze, NORBERT and WILLOUGHBY rise to their feet.
NORBERT
Do you want us to knock her out for you?
WILLOUGHBY
(pats himself all around)
I might have a bottle of sunscreen on me.
AMBER
No. Just stay back. I'll handle this.
And that's where I left it. The princes offer to help. The princesses decide to do it themselves. And even the least likable character reveals a touch of humanity.
That's what I call a win-win-win.
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