Too Many Ghosts to be published

 
Something spooky is coming your way. And I'm not talking about Halloween. No, I'm talking about the fact that my 31st play has just been accepted for publication by Pioneer Drama Service. It's titled Too Many Ghosts, and it's set in a hilariously haunted bed-and-breakfast in Salem, Massachusetts.

That spark of inspiration

I've spoken before about where my play ideas come from. Big surprise! They come from a whole hosts of sources: brainstorming, TV shows, old Warner Brothers cartoons, other plays, even dreams. But Too Many Ghosts is the first time I've been inspired by a TV show I'd never seen. Can you guess which one?

Bingo! It's the currently-running CBS sitcom Ghosts. When the show was first being promoted in early 2019, the premise instantly grabbed me. A show about a bed-and-breakfast haunted by not one, but a motley crew of ghosts from very different time periods? I'm there!

That's when I made the point of not watching the show. I didn't want to be accused of copying it. But more importantly, I wanted it to make it my own.

A touch of magic

When you write a fantasy type of story--and by that I mean anything that includes magic or the supernatural--it's important to be very intentional about the rules you define for that world. That's because the plot, the mood, even the theme of the story will be driven by those rules.

For example, when I wrote The Enchanted Bookshop, these are the rules I created for the famous literary characters who are brought to life:

1) The characters are brought to life through a fairy's magic spell.

2) The characters are not allowed to leave the bookshop or be seen by humans (cats are okay!) or they'll disappear into their books forever.

3) Scatterbrained bookshop owner Margie doesn't have a clue that her book characters are coming to life.

Rule number 1 inspired the wonderful character of the Book Fairy, who's resented by the literary characters because she can be kind of a nag.

Rule number 2 is why the literary characters only come out at night, which gave me the structure of 

It also set up the main conflict of the play as the literary characters are forced to choose between revealing themselves in order to warn Margie about the smugglers threatening her shop and staying silent so that they can continue to come to life. 

The fact that cats are given an exception allows me to stage some humorous interactions between the cantankerous bookshop cat Bombalurina and the literary characters.

And rule number 3 provides for some additional humor as Margie suspects that the messes that the literary characters leave are due to Bombalurina.

Needless to say, if I'd changed any one of these rules, it would have been an entirely different play.

Ghost stories

It's the same thing with Too Many Ghosts, though here I went in a different direction:

1) The ghosts can be seen by anyone, but only when they choose to be seen.

2) Levelheaded owner Jo and her horror-film-loving teenage daughter Lily definitely know the ghosts are haunting the inn from day one.

3) Ghosts can't be destroyed a la Ghostbusters, but with the proper equipment, they can be shrunk down and locked away inside a small, everyday item.

Rule 1 means that the ghosts could be a threat to Jo's business, with the ghosts threatening to scare away her guests so that they can keep the once-abandoned house to themselves.

Rule 2 allows the story to cut right to the chase as Jo forbids the ghosts to haunt her guests. Of course, the ghosts can't help themselves, leading to an online review from a guest describing the place as the "most haunted bed-and-breakfast in New England." The consequence? The inn is soon mobbed by ghost-loving tourists.

Rule 3 gave me the critical turning point of the play as three marginally competent ghostbusters rid the inn of the ghosts--seemingly forever. Where did they go? And how can Jo stay in business without her primary draw: the ghosts?

After I finished the play and sent the manuscript off to Pioneer, I finally gave myself permission to read the Wikipedia entry on Ghosts. I was relieved to discover that the rules for that show were vastly different from the rules for mine. The biggest difference is that in Ghosts, only the woman who inherited the inn (and later her husband) can see the spirits. As you might expect, this means that much of the humor revolves around the awkwardness that occurs when the ghosts interact with the woman in the presence of other people and she has to pretend she can't see them. Not a possibility in my play.

Of course, the personal histories and characteristics of the two sets of ghosts also differ drastically. I've got a cranky Irish maid, a persnickety cobbler, a boisterous snake oil salesman, a self-absorbed silent movie star, and a clumsy teenager. The CBS show has a melodramatic Viking, a cynical Native American, a closeted gay Continental Army officer, a drug-addicted matronly type from the late 1800's, a flamboyant Prohibition-era lounge singer, a naive hippie, and a nerdy scoutmaster.

So yeah, mine are entirely family-friendly while theirs are quite a bit edgier. And I think that's great. There's a place for both.

Oh, I also thought that Salem, Massachusetts--one of the most haunted towns in the United States--was the most logical setting for a show about ghosts, and allowed me to tie in a little bit of the history surrounding the witch trials. But the producers of Ghosts decided to set their show in upstate New York (not sure how a Viking ended up there, though).

Playing tricks

I expect the play to come out in spring 2025. In the meantime, let me leave you with this scene from when Jo and Lily first meet the ghosts.

As the scene begins, the ghosts are hiding in the living room so that they can jump out and scare these two interlopers who threaten the sanctity of their spooky home: 

LILY (Fans herself.): Do you mind if I open the curtains? It's kind of stuffy in here.

JO: Sure. I'll go bring in a couple of boxes. (JO EXITS DOWN RIGHT. LILY crosses to the curtains.)

ROLAND (Hushed, to ORLA): Now?

ORLA (Hushed.): Can ye see the whites of her eyes?

ROLAND: I don't know! My eyes are shut!

ORLA: Well, open 'em up and look! (LILY opens the curtains. ROLAND sees LILY. LILY sees ROLAND.)

LILY (Screams.): Aaaah!

ROLAND (Screams): Aaaah!

JO (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT, running): Oh, my gosh, Lily! Are you all right?

LILY (Points at ROLAND.): It's... it's... it's a ghost!

ROLAND (Points at LILY.): It's... it's... it's a mortal! (The OTHER GHOSTS come out of hiding.)

ORLA: Roland, ye yellow-bellied milksop! Ye ruined our whole plan!

BARNEY: Good job, Roland!

CASSANDRA: You don't take direction very well, do you?

JO: Whoa!

LILY: Mom! I thought you said there's no such thing as ghosts!

JO: That's right! There isn't!

ORLA: Well, what do ye call us then?

JO: Why, you must be a figment of my imagination! A hallucination brought on by a combination of stress and exhaustion! Yes! That's it! I must be so exhausted my mind is playing tricks on me!

CASSANDRA: If I were a figment of your imagination, would I be able to do this? (Waves her arms and laughs ominously.)

JO: I don't know. What are you doing?

CASSANDRA: I'm creating a cold spot to chill your blood and make shivers run up and down your spine!

JO: Nope. Not feeling it.

CASSANDRA (To the OTHER GHOSTS.): See? This is what happens when you don't get to practice your art!

BARNEY: Here, Cassandra. Let me try something.

CASSANDRA (To JO.): Ooh, watch this! This'll frighten the socks right off you!

BARNEY (Knocks one of the housewares off the counter.) There.

JO: Is that it?

BARNEY: What? I'm a poltergeist. This is what I do.

JO: I think it would have been scarier if we couldn't see you.

BARNEY: Well, that's not my fault, is it? I'm not the one who insisted on apparating prematurely... Orla!

I'm thinking this play might be really popular, not just at Halloween but all year long. After all, it's got everything audiences want. Humor. Chills. A creepy mystery. Even a little romance.

But more about that last one later...

Belmont Diary: Worst Fairy Tale gets a premiere

I'm not going to lie. I was a little nervous when I emailed my script for The Worst Fairy Tale Ever to Belmont Day School, the school that commissioned it from me. I was really love the play, but it wasn't anything like my other plays and I wasn't it's what they were looking for.

It's very self-aware, with the actors often commenting on the fairy tale they're supposed to be performing. In fact, almost the entire play is like this. I think it works because every character, every line operates on two levels: that of the actors and that of the characters they're playing.

If this sounds confusing, that's because it is. Very confusing. And now you know why I was nervous.

I also wasn't sure about some of the gags, which are even quirkier than most of the stuff I write.

I shouldn't have worried. The school had their first readthrough a couple of weeks ago and the theater director raved about it. He said it was real winner and was so funny when read in the various characters' voices.

Whew!

That's not all. I just got word from South Florence High School in Florence, SC that they've booked the world premiere for November 8 (as I explained in a previous post, Belmont Day School is only using it for in-class instruction). Yay!

How did I find them? Through a fantastic Facebook Group called High School Theatre Directors and Teachers. It's mainly a group for theater teachers to help each other solve productions issues on their shows (and only occasionally to gripe about those annoying helicopter parents).

The group frowns on commercial self-promotion, but on the first day of each month, they allow playwrights to promote their plays. And the most common way to promote them is to pitch the story (briefly, very briefly!) with an offer of a free perusal copy to anyone who asks.

I posted my pitch of The Worst Fairy Tale Ever on August 1 and I got a respectable 90 requests for scripts. Three weeks later, I was contacted by a young woman at South Florence High School, who wanted use the script for her student directing project. When I told her theater teacher that this meant they'd get world premiere credit in the script if and when it's published, he was thrilled. I was just as thrilled for them.

The school will be sending me a video recording of the production so that I can give the script a final polish based on the response from the audience. I'll then be submitting it to Pioneer Drama Service for their consideration.

But wait. There's more. .Just today, the theater director at Shenandoah High School in Shenandoah, IA said she'll be taking the play to the Iowa Speech Contest this winter. I was hoping schools would see this easy-to-produce play (no set! no costumes! many laughs!) as a competition piece, so I consider this a big win.

If you're a theater teacher and you're not a member yet of this amazing Facebook group, I strongly urge you to check it out. And if you're a playwright looking for a powerful way to reach out to high schools, look no further. You've found it.

Oh, and if you'd like to receive your own free perusal copy of The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, just email me at todd.wallinger@gmail.com. Thanks!

Freaky Tiki is now available!

Three has always been my magic number. But this year, five carries a special kind of magic for me. Because that's the number of plays I've released this year--a new record.

Freaky Tiki is that fifth play (and my 29th overall), and it was just released by Pioneer Drama Service. This tropical comedy has a cast of 20 (3M, 12F, and 5 that can be any) and runs about 75 minutes. Here's the synopsis:

The Wobbly Palms Resort prides itself on being the finest two-and-a-half-star resort in Hawaii—and if it hadn't been for that incident in the goat yoga class last year, they'd still have that third star. Unfortunately, the owners are losing money on the place and will be forced to close it for good if they can't find a buyer soon.

There's still hope, however. The staff has just gotten word that a mystery guest will be arriving soon to evaluate the resort for possible purchase by a major hotel chain. All they have to do is make sure nothing goes wrong during the guest's stay. But then a different guest leaves a creepy-looking tiki with the front desk clerk for safekeeping and everything starts to go wrong.

First, the resort's hot-tempered French chef discovers that the lobster that was supposed to be that evening's dinner special has escaped. Then an obsessive young man determined to pull off the world's most elaborate marriage proposal loses the ring in a pond full of hungry piranhas. Next, a temperamental opera singer preparing for her comeback concert loses her voice, forcing her to communicate by clown horn. And finally the resort's perky activities director loses an entire tour group on a hike!

Could the tiki be cursed? If so, how can they counteract the curse? And exactly who is the mystery guest anyway?

Culminating in a crazy chase scene between the butterfly-net-wielding chef and an unusually large lobster, this hilarious comedy proves that sometimes bad luck is simply good luck in disguise.

I've already discussed how I came up with the idea for the play (think The White Lotus meets The Brady Bunch).

The play is particularly easy to produce. It requires only a single hotel lobby set. The costumes are fairly simple, primarily work clothes for the staff (maid, bellhop, chef) and vacation clothes for the guests. There are no special lighting requirements and only one sound effect, which can be easily produced using a crash box.

One fun bit is that the script includes a fair amount of Hawaiian vocabulary. But never fear! The script also includes a glossary with the pronunciation and definition of each of those terms. Your students may even come away from the production learning a little about Hawaiian history and culture.

Want to learn more. You can read a sample of the script and review full ordering info on the play's web page.

A hui hou!

Swiss Meatballs

No, that's not a typo. Sweden may be famous for their meatballs, but Switzerland has their own tasty version. And they now have another one to enjoy because Theaterverlag Kaliolabusto of Messen, Switzerland has just published a German language translation of my restaurant farce Million Dollar Meatballs.

This combination publisher/theater company did the same thing for How I Met Your Mummy six years ago. And it's all thanks to the relationship my own publisher Pioneer Drama Service has established with them. Kaliolabusto goes through Pioneer's catalog to decide which plays they want to translate and give the bulk of the performance fees to Pioneer to split with the playwright.

It's a real win-win-win. Kaliolabusto gets market-proven material to translate. Pioneer and the playwright gets increased exposure. And we all make a little money.

I feel honored by Kaliolabusto's selection of my play (it's one of only seven they've released this year). And I'm excited to see how popular this food-centered comedy will be in the land of fine chocolate and fondue.

By the way, that title translates to Meatballs and Diamonds. I may not be able to pronounce it, but I love the sound of it.

Guess I'd better dust off the four years of German I took in college--and never used since!

Instant Five-Timer

I've spoken before about my Five-Timers club, that elite group of schools and community theaters that have performed five or more of my plays. It usually takes a few years to achieve that lofty status. After all, producing groups generally like to mix things up by performing plays from a variety of playwrights.

So I have to give a big shoutout to Plain Dealing High School (Go Lions!) of Plain Dealing, LA, which became the fifth member of my Five-Timers Club--literally overnight--by booking five different plays of mine yesterday. 

The five plays are:

It Happened on Route 66 (my newest blockbuster)

Million Dollar Meatballs (a perennial favorite)

The Butler Did It! (an old classic)

You're Driving Me Crazy! (short and oh so sweet)

The Purrfect Crime (an overlooked charmer)

All five plays are scheduled for this school year, so I'm guessing they may be in-class readings rather than full productions. But they're all officially licensed and paid through Pioneer Drama Service so what the heck. I'll count them.

And no, my Five-Timers Club may not come with a jacket, like Saturday Night Live's version. But it does get you my everlasting gratitude and appreciation.

Thanks, PDHS! And break lots and lots of legs!

Show Me State Bookshop Helps Abused Kids

Just a quick congratulations to the STARS Foundation of Cabool, MO. According to this article in the West Plains Daily Quill, their recent production of How to Enchant a Bookshop raised over $20,000 for the 37th Judicial Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), a vitally important volunteer group that helps abused and neglected children. 

This warms my heart. I hope the money raised will have a positive, life-changing impact on many, many kids in your area.

Free Perusal Script of The Last Radio Show

Two weeks ago, I told you about an incredible offer from Pioneer Drama Service: five full perusal scripts of my plays for the amazing price of zero dollars and zero-zero cents.

Well, this week it's a different play with a different publisher but the same low, low price. Heuer Publishing is offering a free perusal copy of my play The Last Radio Show. All you have to do is visit this web page, then click on Download Free sScript. (Note: If you access the page on your phone, you may need to fill out your name, organization, and email address.)

The Last Radio Show is one of my funniest plays and is a lot of fun because it gives the actors an opportunity to make those old-timey sound effects like using coconut shells for the sound of horse hooves or crumpling cellophane for the sound of a campfire.

The play has a cast of 10 (5M/5F), a single set, and runs 90 minutes. Here's the synopsis:

It's 1948, and KUKU Radio is on trouble. Their broadcast tower keeps falling over. The electric company is about to shut off their power. And now they're losing actors, one by one. Can this ragtag crew keep the show going? Or will they be shut down for good?

This hilarious farce brings back the Golden Age of Radio, with crazy commercials such as Kindling Krunch ("the cereal that's like having your own National Park--in a bowl!), and even crazier shows, like The Thing With Two Spleens and Tex King, The Humming Cowboy.

Don't touch that dial! This is radio like you've never seen it before!

But be sure to download the script soon. The link expires on Monday, September 9.